“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life."
- Steve Jobs
Expectations of Others
Sometimes when I work with couples I find that one or both partners are grieving about the fact that their relationship is not like other relationships. I think this is a healthy thing – when one or both of you has ADHD you don’t have a relationship that resembles those of many of your friends. Coming to terms with that idea – and understanding the patterns that ADHD encourages between you (so you can avoid them!) is critically important.
But then, it’s important to embrace the life you DO have, and run with it. Rather than trying to make your life look like other people’s lives, make your own life together uniquely yours and special. As you learn about ADHD, you will (hopefully) subtract many negative behaviors that each of you contribute to your relationship. Don’t forget that you need to ADD positives.
What will your special ‘fun’ connection be? What are your special (private) rituals that you can create? How do you demonstrate that you cherish the very core of your partner?
Self reflection and some idea-generating dates can help uncover your mutual dreams and make them happen. Appreciation ‘exercises’ and time to show you care (‘attend time’ as I call it) is also important.
Bottom line – don’t waste time living someone else’s life.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The Live session starts September 26, 2018.