Your Filter

ADHD & Marriage News - April 12, 2018

Quote of the Week

“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome."

- Chinese fortune cookie

Your Filter

As I work with couples I am often struck by what I call their ‘filters.’  These are the attitudes they have developed (sometimes nurtured) that they bring with them to every conversation.  Common filters include:

“No” – a wariness of losing ground, so resistance to trying anything new

Resentment/blame – you’ve wronged me and only have your own best interests in mind – I don’t trust you

Anger – chronic anger is the starting place for every interaction

Parent – I can’t do anything without your permission/approval; I will get in trouble if I think or act independently

Think about these filters for a moment.  If you unknowingly carry one around, what are the chances that you’ll be able to make a breakthrough any given conversation you have?

We really are in charge of ourselves – and can only control our own behavior.  If you have an attitudinal filter, please reflect on how it might be hurting you, yourself and seek ways to open up to new ways of thinking or doing.  You will most likely benefit (the exception to this is if your are in a physically or severely emotionally abusive relationship, in which case taking down your protective filter might end in harm.)


No matter where you are in the world.... you can take my Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - starts mid to late September 2018. Learn more here

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at, including free:

  • -   Online treatment overview;

    -   Downloadable chapters of my books;

    -   A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

      -   A large number of blog posts on various topics;

      -   Referrals.

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.

Is your relationship in pretty good shape but you'd love to feel closer? Consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life!  Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2018 Melissa Orlov