“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome."
- Chinese fortune cookie
As I work with couples I am often struck by what I call their ‘filters.’ These are the attitudes they have developed (sometimes nurtured) that they bring with them to every conversation. Common filters include:
“No” – a wariness of losing ground, so resistance to trying anything new
Resentment/blame – you’ve wronged me and only have your own best interests in mind – I don’t trust you
Anger – chronic anger is the starting place for every interaction
Parent – I can’t do anything without your permission/approval; I will get in trouble if I think or act independently
Think about these filters for a moment. If you unknowingly carry one around, what are the chances that you’ll be able to make a breakthrough any given conversation you have?
We really are in charge of ourselves – and can only control our own behavior. If you have an attitudinal filter, please reflect on how it might be hurting you, yourself and seek ways to open up to new ways of thinking or doing. You will most likely benefit (the exception to this is if your are in a physically or severely emotionally abusive relationship, in which case taking down your protective filter might end in harm.)
No matter where you are in the world.... you can take my Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - starts mid to late September 2018. Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.