“One thing to watch out for is the belief that your transformation will bring you external validation, fame, or love. Placing our ability to feel worthy or loved outside ourselves is a recipe for disaster.” - Marie Forleo
Look Inside Yourself
Too many partners, and particularly ADHD partners in my observation, look to someone else to help them feel good about themselves. This is a mistake! Instead, when you seek change within yourself (for example, learning to become more organized or patient) remember that the person who benefits the most is yourself. In fact, a great way to think about it is that you create these changes because they will improve your life forever moving forward. Greater organization makes your life easier in every aspect (even as it takes effort to stay organized.) Being organized frees up time to focus on what you really want to do because you don’t waste time looking for keys or re-doing a project you lost track of. Becoming more patient probably strengthens your relationships, plus you don’t have to spend extra time patching up misunderstandings and hard feelings.
We all can improve how we are in the world…but make sure that when you do so, the only person from whom you seek approval is yourself!
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses:
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session begins October 6 - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship - Next session begins November 10 (may change slightly) - This new seminar is designed to help couples become more intimate on every level. Both seminars are given by phone, so anyone may participate.