“Often, people who want more romance from their partners fail to capitalize on the advantages that mirror neurons offer. The logic behind mirror neurons is this: If you want your partner to feel more tender, playful, sexually interested, or desirous of emotional closeness, rather than complaining to your partner about the lack of what you want, get yourself more fully into the particular feeling state you’d like to get from your partner, then let your partner feel you for a while. Don’t pressure your partner into responding immediately, and don’t give up if your partner doesn’t respond right away.”
- Dr. Brent Atkinson
Feeling the Love
Do you know about mirror neurons? These are the circuits in our brains that allow us to feel what others feel. Go to a movie with a happy main character and you feel happy. Hear a friend talk about her grief at the passing of a relative and you feel her grief, too.
That means if you’re feeling grouchy, your partner may well ‘catch’ your mood. Angry? Your partner is not likely to be dancing with joy! Happy? Your partner may well smile with you.
I often suggest couples should ‘contribute their best selves’ to their relationship. Not only does this give them the best chance of being proud of their own behavior, but it maximizes the chances that they will influence their partner’s behavior in a positive way. And mirror neurons are part of it.
Using mirror neurons to your advantage is just one of many fascinating topics in my new downloadable Relationship Online Course. Go to this link to find out more!
What to do when one partner refuses the other? I offer my advice in this Psychology Today article.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session starts October, 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.