“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” - Carlos Castenada
Emphasis on Strength
Think about how exhausting it is when you fight with your partner. Or when you feel under complete stress in your relationship. I think Castenada has it right here – it isn’t ‘easier’ to make ourselves miserable in terms of workload, only easier in terms of direction. When you are struggling, ‘doing nothing’ or digging into your position feels ‘easier’ than creating an intentional relationship in which you put in the hard work to be more in tune with your partner.
But that would be the wrong emphasis – because you end up with something untenable, rather than fulfilling. So, if the amount of work is the same, and the outcome of one direction is better than the other, what could you do – right now – to make yourself stronger?
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at my marriage and ADHD website, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar. This eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and is given by phone, so anyone may participate.
Melissa will be speaking in New York City on January 8, and in Seattle, WA on February 10. Information about events is at the events page.