“Embracing our inherent vulnerability is one of the best ways to break the cycle of fear and self-preoccupation. This can be as simple as accepting help from others when we need it…We think we should be in charge all the time, that we should always be in control…it’s just not true.” -Sharon Salzburg, meditation teacher and author
Embracing vulnerability is scary to many people, particularly to some men (sorry about the stereotype, but my experience suggests there is some truth to this idea.) And yet, allowing others to see our vulnerability – and to help us – is a gift.
If you wonder if this is true, ask yourself this question. If your best friend were ill with cancer, would you wish to know? Would you wish to be asked to help out in ways that were meaningful to him or her? I think most people would readily answer yes and even say that it would be a privilege to help. Now take this a bit closer to home. If your partner were feeling wracked with problems, would you wish to be allowed to help out? Or at least support him or her?
I thought so. And the reverse is also likely true. Your partner would want to help you. Making yourself vulnerable to a partner who loves you is both a gift you give yourself (for you let someone know you more completely) and a gift you give your partner (the privilege of being allowed to help.)
If you don’t feel you have a calm enough relationship to let yourself be vulnerable with your partner I urge you to seek counseling with that specific goal in mind. You may be surprised at how connecting it is to be vulnerable with each other.
Is it time to strengthen your relationship? Many couples have learned to replace anger and frustration with trust and happiness.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session begins October 6 - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship - Next session begins November 10 (may change slightly) - This new seminar is designed to help couples become more intimate on every level. Both seminars are given by phone, so anyone may participate.