“I could say day and you would say night Tell me it’s black when I know it’s white Always the same, it’s just a shame, that’s all” - Genesis
You Really Are Different
This is one of the great break up songs of my youth, but I’m not writing about break ups here. Rather, I’m interested in the vast differences between those with ADHD and those without, and how we often spend WAY too much time arguing about the small stuff, and not focusing on the positives. We argue, sometimes, because it has become a habit – ‘always the same, it’s just a shame.’
But what about the positives of your differences? That differences can bring spice and joy to you both? What if we could let the habit of bickering and power struggles go and focus on the more important fact that there is love in the relationship? Wouldn’t it be great to focus on the way that you uniquely approach the areas of common ground between you? Maybe you share a love of adventure, but one loves the planning while the other loves the execution. Maybe you both share parenting values, but one person loves the strong daily connections with the kids, while the other better tolerates shorter blocks of time and play?
If you are in the habit of bickering with your partner, what strength could you find by seeking out common ground – even if you have different opinions and approaches?
Melissa will be speaking in Seattle, WA on February 9, at the Hallowell Todaro Center, and also giving a rare in-person couples seminar. Learn more here.
The next live couples seminar starts February 17th! Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at my marriage and ADHD website, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar. This eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and is given by phone, so anyone may participate. The next session begins February 17th. Learn more here.