“I think we simply need to ask ourselves if we’re choosing joy and choosing life with a capital L, or choosing fear that’s packaged to look like good habits.” - Marc David, Institute for the Psychology of Eating
Life with a Capital 'L'
This quote was about diets but I want to talk about relationships, instead. Because the idea is just as relevant.
I am asked quite frequently “How do I know if I should stay in my relationship?” My response is that I believe each person should do the best s/he can to improve his or her relationship by taking responsibility for one’s own issues, and learning all one can about ADHD issues, as well. You’ll likely work hard, and it will take some time. But at some point you will know that the two of you are doing the best you think you can and, with that, whether or not the two of you can make it succeed. And the WAY you will know is that you will come upon a time in which you can ask yourself this question “Am I choosing to be in this relationship because it brings me joy? Or am I choosing to be in this relationship because I fear the unknown?” In other words, are the habits you’ve created in your relationship genuine? Or are you faking it – choosing fear that’s packaged up to look like good habits?
This is actually an answerable question, when put like this. Packaging up your habits feels false. You crave something different, in the same way that the dieter who is not fully committed to a specific diet plan craves the food he cannot have. I urge you to actively seek joy…first within yourself and with your partner and then, if you find that is impossible, understand what sort of diet you have chosen.
I am not advocating divorce – my passion is for helping people save their relationships. And, when ADHD is involved getting things right can take years. But you will know, deep in your heart, once you have both done all you can, whether or not the relationship will ever bring you the joy you seek.
Actively Seek Joy! Next Live Session Starts in Less Than 2 Weeks!
Now enrolling:ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - live session begins October 6 andRecovering Intimacy in Your Relationship - live session begins November 10. Just call the phone number, from two locations if you need to, and follow along with the materials I will send to you the day before. I record each session and send you the link the next day so you can keep it for future use or listen to it if you missed the live session. Very simple – no technical hassles.
Participants get multiple opportunities to send me written questions…and I answer and share ALL Q&As by the end of the course.
The course also includes optional homework worksheets, suggested readings, etc. It’s optional because not everyone is ready to do the homework. But you get it for whenever you might be ready in the future.
Why not start making the concrete changes that will improve your relationship right now?
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples courses: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Live session begins October 6 - this eight-session seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, and Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship - Live session begins November 10 - This new seminar is designed to help couples become more intimate on every level. Both seminars are given by phone, so anyone may participate.