“The battle to be vigilant, on behalf of kindness and tolerance and fairness and equality, that’s a day-to-day thing that each of us is responsible for.”
- President Barack Obama
The Right Kind of Vigilance
Things not going your way? It’s easy to fall into patterns that sew discord, animosity and unequal status in the world around you. (And, yes, I’m talking about both our national conversation and your relationship conversation here!)
But President Obama has it right. We need to be constantly vigilant in our pursuit of kindness, tolerance, fairness and kindness –and the best place to start is at home. One of the ways I do this is when I’m feeling cranky or put off I ask myself a question, ‘what would the kind response be?’ It’s a simple, and very effective way to keep what’s important front and center in my relationship.
I’ve been using this strategy in my relationship for a couple of years now and was delighted the other day when I asked my husband ‘what do you love about me?’ (Okay, I was fishing for positive reinforcement, I admit it!) His response was ‘you’re a really kind person.’ It’s the first time he has ever used that word to describe me in the 29 years we’ve known each other, and I LIKE being thought of that way.
Challenge yourself to be vigilant. You’ll like the results.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This highly acclaimed, eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship. The next live session begins in October.