“Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right”
- Hallowell NYC Center wall
Research in psychology and behavioral science clearly shows us that how we think about our situation – and our future – impacts what happens next. In fact, fMRI scans demonstrate that our outlooks impact the actual wiring of our brains. When we practice mindfulness, for example, the parts of our brain that reinforce the positive and optimism become stronger.
In relationships impacted by ADHD, thinking you can or can’t is critically important. If you convince yourself that past struggles will always continue because that’s been the pattern in the past (before you knew how to handle ADHD and responses to ADHD) then little progress will be made. Every positive change will be discounted as an aberration, rather than as a move towards a brighter, and better, future. Eventually, the idea that ‘we can’t do this’ will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead, choose to stay open to the positive. Non-ADHD partners do best when they learn to say ‘thank you’ and ‘I noticed that!’ ADHD partners thrive when they think “I may have fallen short of my goal right now, but I CAN do this!” Celebrate small victories, and don’t interpret the inevitable stumbles as an indication that change is impossible.
Yes, you can!
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.