“I’m not the next Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps. I’m the first Simone Biles.”
- Olympic gymnast, Simone Biles
We Get to Define Ourselves
Labels are handy and we use them all the time to quickly sort through lots of information. ADHD is one of those labels – it tells you, quickly, about how a person has a certain way of being in the world, with definable behaviors such as chronic distractions.
Yet a person is not their ADHD. And this is where the label falls very short. Simone Biles may be an exceptional athlete…but that is what she DOES. Who she IS…that’s all Simone. An ADHD partner does certain things when ADHD is undiagnosed or under-treated. They can do different things when they’ve optimized treatment. But who they are? That’s up to them. Inside of all those symptomatic behaviors is a person – with qualities that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.
When you struggle, that person can get obscured by your mutual focus on symptoms and behaviors. You lose out, though, when you forget the core qualities that make you who you are. Like Simone, I urge you to identify your core person inside, and celebrate who you are (or, who your partner is).
No matter where you are in the world.... you can take my Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - starts October 3rd. Register here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview; - Downloadable chapters of my books; - A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; - A large number of blog posts on various topics; - Referrals.
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.