This is the agenda for the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples Self-Study Course. When you purchase this course you will receive a link to a downloadable zip file that includes instructions, pre-reading (about treatment of ADHD), 8 recorded lectures, homework and worksheets. In the course syllabus below, homework and worksheets are italicized. The ADHD Effect on Marriage book or audiobook is not included with the course materials.
Session 1 – OPTIMIZING ADHD TREATMENT
Differences between you
Understanding your partner’s daily experience in the relationship
The relative effectiveness of various treatments for ADHD
Optimizing treatment and common questions
Treatment worksheet / isolating target symptoms
Article on medications
Chapter 2 from Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD – provides full treatment overview for adults with ADHD
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 2 – TWO IMPORTANT PATTERNS, PLUS ANGER START
Pattern 1 – Misinterpretation of ADHD symptoms
Pattern 2 – Symptom/response/response
Unproductive responses to each other vs. finding productive responses
Introduction to the idea of the ‘Intentional Relationship’
Anger, and 5 steps to taking control of anger (review steps 1-3 in this session)
Denial in both partners – what it looks like, and why it's destructive
Anger worksheet – to get you starting a conversation about anger, and evaluating the impact of your own anger
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 3 – ANGER, PARENT/CHILD PATTERN, MOVING TO RECOVERY
Steps 4&5 in controlling anger
How to use SMART measurement
Things to watch out for in angry communication (what should be doing / tone of voice, etc.)
How to hear your partner’s reasons for anger more accurately
Parent/child dynamics – why you experience it, why you need to get out of it, how to transition away from it
Three stages that couples go through in the healing process
Boundaries – briefly, what they are
Catch up on past worksheets
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 4 – COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES THAT WORK
Why trying to force an ADHD partner to ‘fit in’ doesn’t work - ADHD partners are not 'broken'
Participant 'land mines' and emotional issues
Learning conversations
Verbal cues
Learning how to fight / “good fights”
Moving from negative/negative fights to positive/positive through “neutral”
Repair techniques
Apologies
Validation vs. invalidation
Validation tracking worksheet to understand your own validation patterns
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 5 – DIAGNOSING FIGHTS, AND CHORE WARS, SO YOU CAN CHANGE DIRECTION
How to ‘diagnose’ the type of fights you are having and determine appropriate approaches to changing direction – flooding and physiological; ‘he said/she said’; demand/withdraw; shame and avoidance
ADHD conversational disadvantages for some
Moving away from Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Resolvable issues vs. unresolvable issues and what to do with each
Chore wars – what they are, and how to improve in this area
Identifying maternal/paternal gatekeeping
Chore score worksheet to help assess options for diminishing chore wars
Optional chapter 5 in Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (on chore wars but not included with course materials)
Session 6 – DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND BEHAVIORS IN BOTH PARTNERS, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM
Lying and how to move beyond lying
Fear of initiation, verbally and physically
Nagging
Controlling
‘Better than you’
Financial problems
Criticism and negativity
Sexual issues
The ‘sex-starved marriage’
Pornography use, briefly
PsychologyToday.com reading - Relationship Basics 101
ADHD Effect reading
Creating an anger action plan
Session 7 – FINDING JOY IN YOUR ADHD-IMPACTED RELATIONSHIP
Appreciating ADHD, mirror traits
The science of finding joy
Intimacy basics
Trust, consistency and self-respect
Elements of trust in ADHD-impacted relationships
‘Attending’
Finding joy in sex - rebuilding eroticism
Brainstorming session for how to increase joy in your relationship
ADHD Effect on Marriage reading
Session 8 – INTRODUCTION TO RECOVERING INTIMACY AND COURSE RECAP
Positives of ADHD, and how to integrate into your relationship
Crenshaw’s relationship principles
Review of most important ideas from the course
Set one goal for change, and create plan
Date for telling partner what you love about him/her
If you have any further questions about this course, please contact me. If you need to have a set commitment and timing in order to fully complete the course, I recommend you register for the live couples seminar. The syllabus for the live course is slightly different than this one, particularly at the end, and the live course offers opportunities to ask all of your questions.