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by: Swedish coast -
I find one of the most exasperating things with my ADD ex his avoidance of keeping promises. He would agree to something, then act as if that agreement was never made. He’s highly intelligent, though his judgment seemingly clouded with years of mental illness. Though I used to grudgingly accept his flakiness as an ADD symptom, I now see him as a person lying to avoid binding commitments. Possibly because an ADD mind knows itself and that they won’t want to follow through on promises later on. But they...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
Asking him to sign something is great in theory but knowing my husband he would definitely not agree to that. So far, I’ve found it good to be firm, but fair in gently reminding him of exactly how things were discussed. He might not agree straight away but I leave it with him and invariably he accepts things and we move on. It’s hard but I’m following the advice of Jefferson Fisher who says your first response to any response should be a breath or maybe even say nothing. It’s tough but it’s a good...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: sickandtired -
The sad thing is that she will NEVER change him.>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: adhd32 -
Momma's responsibility is to uplift and protect her child. The boy did not choose to have this man, who brought drama and strife to the household, in his life. Seems momma turned, and continues to turn, a blind eye to the this man's major red flags. She is sacrificing her son so she can change this man. I hope that her lack of response has given her pause to reflect on the advice she received. Not sure why women do this but I've seen it many times with coworkers and their scared children in...>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: sickandtired -
Amen! You have lived it, and this situation will definitely injure this child. I am concerned how the mother has not replied to any of our posts giving her advice. I fear that she is in denial.>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: adhd32 -
Why do you want to marry someone who doesn't do chores, isn't accountable, is addicted to screens, and worst of all disrespecting YOUR child? He has no right to discipline or speak ill to you child. If you don't set some boundaries with him regarding his role in your child's life then you are inviting harm. Parents are supposed to protect their children, you are letting your son down by allowing someone he didn't choose to have a relationship with verbally abuse him.. Consider that this is the...>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: adhd32 -
Have him sign off on the notes so there is proof of his agreement. Often times there is a disconnect with remembering what was said and what they agreed to. At least you won't be gaslit when you whip out the paper with his signature. But then again, he may deny signing it and accuse you of forgery. Anything to wiggle out of responsibility.>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: c ur self -
One of the hardest things to do in a relationship (because of all the emotions we have built up) is to step outside the relationship and SEE w/ a fly on the wall clarity...Looking at all the heart felt advice (lived out reality) you have gotten here can be easy to just shrug off...(Well you're not me, or oh well he's not your husband/ex)...Our first thoughts are, well he/she shouldn't do so and so and so and so...(Well that's sweet, but, useless, because their going to too!) People add/adhd or not,...>>> on Forum topic - Cold feet about our wedding
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by: J -
At least in the realm of art and making 3D objects....I've left a long trail of my talents everywhere I look. The vast majority are anonymous....art and things I've done, then the last 40 years of making jewelry. Thousands of my piece are being worn even now. A woman I made a ring for 36 years ago brought it to me for a quick repair. It's in perfect condition for that old a ring because I made it to last her lifetime which it will. New jewelry will be lucky to last 5 or 10 years....it's just...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: J -
In 8th grade pottery class, we were assigned to make a bust of anyone we wanted. I chose Jimi Hendrix because I was obsessed with his music at the time. He had a big Afro that the teacher bet would Crack in firing. I bet her it wouldn't and I hollowed it out enough so it wouldn't. Pay up ...I said. Lo. She was one of my favorite teachers so we knew each other well. So Jimi sat around in my room, them my mom finally put him downstairs in storage sitting on a shelf. It wasn't a bad...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I believe you. I think you have rare talents. In these times of hardship, it seems like mapping out one’s own particular mind is a very good idea. Have been trying it too, but not gotten as far as you. What we can contribute to our loved ones and our community is different for everyone, isn’t it? I see it so often nowadays, working with some not so mainstream people and also in a sibling that breaks my heart but whom I deep down understand in a way. They are pillars for other...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: J -
This is not an identity. Its not a mask I wear ( masking no ), it's not a persona or false self, it's not a projection, based on fear or dominance. It's LITERALLY the description of a job duty in the tribe. It's describes me not as a label but as a function. This is an important distinction to make. Extremely important to understand our innate primitive programming, which makes us do...what we do.....in a societal fashion. If you can only understand this one concept, it is the key that...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: J -
Who I am is on the left.....who I portray to be is on the right. Do not confused these two people because they're l not different all. They are integrated, not separate, and are Multi-faceted, not homogeneous. The one on the left explains everything. The one on the right tells you nothing at all. In its very essense. If you believe only what you see, you'll miss the man on the left who never lies, has true integrity, and tells you exactly who he is. If you're listening to one, and...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: J -
>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: Swedish coast -
J, I’m glad you’re giving yourself affirmation and acknowledge your strengths. It’s the biggest revelation I’ve had as an adult, that minds are - spectacularly - not alike. One can’t assume a persons strengths are even in all areas. Just read about twice exceptional (2E) which is a description of people with exceptional talent in some areas and also exceptional difficulties in other areas. It’s sen in ADHD and autism. It seems to cover both my ex and one of my teenagers with ADD,...>>> on Forum topic - Positive Gifts and Strengths
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by: Groot Lover -
I can certainly give it a go. Thank you!>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: 1Melody1 -
Hey Groot! What do you think about you and your hubby taking a few quick notes on your conversations for a couple of weeks to see if that works. E.G. -talked about the wedding this weekend, -leaving at 6, -husband picking up suit at dry cleaners Wednesday. Just something simple that reminds you both what you've discussed so when he has these moments where he thinks you've had a conversation about something, he can see that you haven't without the need for an argument. It also might show him that...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
I realise it’s not harsh words but I suppose I feel sorry for someone who has ADHD - not because it’s detrimental to them as a person, quite the contrary. I’ve seen first hand how adaptable my husband can be at looking outside the box. Spontaneous and confident. All things I’m not but I do feel bad that he can be so misunderstood. I almost feel I need to apologise for his behaviour at times. He can be quite blunt but somehow it gets him results!! The inner thoughts are hard though. I think if I can...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: c ur self -
We really do not know what each other has or is currently dealing with...I just know that to continue to engage (attempting to fix, or speak into) the same disrespectful actions of any kind, with many ADD minds can create a comfort level in the person doing it...(They get so use to the combative dialog, they don't even realize how disrespectful and peace forfeiting it is) With my former ADD wife, she was all over the place emotionally and looked to blame...(never took ownership)...So disengaging and...>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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by: Groot Lover -
I’m not sure I feel mothering is the right phrase but maybe you’re right. It’s just so hard to convince him at times that he’s not sharing his thoughts but him thinking he is!>>> on Forum topic - Conversations in his head
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