I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently.
When you're trying repeatedly to get an ADHD spouse to "respond" to your requests it's hard not to get into nagging mode. But non-ADHD spouses need to avoid chronic nagging patterns if they are to be successful, happy partners. This is much harder than it sounds.
It is with some humor that I say that a very sensitive area of conflict for many couples is driving. Most commonly, the conflict centers around the poor driving habits of an ADHD spouse (and why they can't/won't change them) and who is going to drive when. There is more here than meets the eye, though, so I thought I would explore it a bit. If you have conflicts over driving, read on!
We have started a new area of the site, called "guest blogs" which can be found in the tabs at the top. There are some reader voices here that have been particularly helpful over time and we would like new people to be able to find them easily. Our first guest blogger has gone by the name of Arwen and many of you are familiar with her. I will also move some other guest blog entries (Ari Tuckerman and others) to that area as I find time. Enjoy!
A quote in the New York Times on November 21 misled some people into believing that Dr. Ned Hallowell thinks that using marijuana to treat ADHD is a good idea. Just the opposite, he thinks it is a very bad idea and has said so for many years. Here is his response to those who had questions about this:
One comment I hear over and over again from non-ADHD spouses is their frustration that "we go through the same problems over and over again. Nothing ever seems to change!" There is a reason for this, as well as a way to interrupt this pattern.
How to help couples understand the destructiveness and intertwined nature of many of their interactions? I was reading a novel the other day about civil war (an apt analogy for many ADHD marriages!) and came across some ideas that I think can help describe why couples get into negative patterns even when neither one of them wants to.
What does it look like when you effectively treat ADHD and your life starts to turn around? Here I've reprinted a recent post that says so much about the hardships of the ADHD experience and what can happen when things start to change. Thank you, ptc909294, for your contribution.
I’m spending quite a bit of time these days thinking about how to get men with ADHD to realize that their ADHD affects those around them more than they think. At least two men I can think of who have ADHD say they wish someone (other than their wives) had “hit them upside the head” with information that would convince them that their ADHD was causing real problems.
The terrific film ADD & Loving It was aired in Canada and briefly available on the web – enough people clamored to see it that it’s been reposted by Global TV at this link. It’s unclear how long it will be available, so I urge you all to go watch it sooner rather than later (it’s 42 minutes long). The program is fast-paced, fun and easy to watch (the host, Patrick McKenna, is a comedian, after all!), but it’s also very informative and well produced
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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