Forum topic: Jekyll and Hyde

Hi Runner... I'm an ADDer, diagnosed at age 43 much to my surprise like most of us adults with ADD. I cannot remember if I read if your DH was on meds for his ADD. I can tell you the first time I took Adderall I could not believe how much better I felt. The first few months are really tough for all parties involved. The Non-ADDer is already worn out in most cases it seems and is asked to have patience in their ADDer while they adjust to life Out of the Fog. I went through a range of emotions: 1 - Finally a name for what I have always experienced (Good and Bad) 2 - Regret for hurting the ones around me, especially my wife and family. 3 - Sadness for all the "Could have beens" 4 - Anger at the A-Holes who treated me like crap 5 - Understanding "Why" the A-holes were irritated    6 - Happy for the future because I can handle things better 7 - Anxiety over wondering if too much damage was done to my marriage, I could probably go on. Bad behavior is bad, period, but there is a lot to re-learn as an ADDer, like being able to see more than 5 minutes ahead, instead of being oblivious to most things, now I am seeing facial expressions, body language, trying to properly hear tone. There is tons of new info to process. I was lucky that Adderall worked so well for me with little in the way of side effects. My mood is not nearly as "Laid-Back" as it used to be, but I think most would say I was still pretty laid-back. I can communicate instead of shut-down like the old days, my wife is still adjusting to this and she does not always get the last word anymore or get to Choose what she thought I was saying while I was shut-down. I can apologize when I'm wrong, not that I like being wrong ;)

Getting the meds right, relearning bad coping skills and accepting ALL that comes with the disorder are key. Until the ADDer "Get's It", it will not be easy...

Im married and im the one who has the ADHD.  I have had it most of my life but its only been about a year that I have been feeling better and out of the "fog".  I have been with my husband for 16 years and married for almost 6 years.  The problem I have is that I am to blame for anything n everything that goes on in our lives. The check engine light goes on in our car and its my fault, the Lowes worker that gave me the wrong flashlight bulb is my fault.  I'm constantly reminded that if we lose our home to forclosure, its my fault and that we are thru. Even though I try and keep a budget and try and make sure we have the money to pay our bills but he thinks we are made of money and taps mac all the time taking money out so he can go to the bar. I get its my fault that I ruin his time at the bar because I have an attitude.  yes i have an attitude because he'S having an emotional affair with one of the bar maids.

I am disabled as well. i had scoliosis as a child n just had my 3rd operation this past October 2011. So I am still recouping and going thru physical therapy 3 days a week. I do my best to keep a clean home, dinner on the table, clean,fold, and put away clean clothes and try  and keep the bills paid and us afloat. But I can tell you this, when he comes home I never get hi honey im home with a kiss.  Im lucky he comes home. There are times i have dinner waiting n have to text him to see where hes at, which i already know. Hes at the bar to see his girlfriend. He doesnt have any consideration to text me to tell me hes stopping non the less ask me if i would like to join him.  

Over the summer I really lost the taste to drink and sit at a bar for hours. Thank God!  Having adhd n try n sit at a bar for hours on end doesnt work for me anymore  I just wish the same feeling happens to my husband.  Theres just too much to do around the house or places that I would like to visit instead of my butt getting sore sitting on a bar stool and getting drunk. Plus i dont want a DUI..

I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont argue with him when hes been drinking because i get no where.  Im tired of being disappointed when he promises that we will do something and then we end up not doing it. My husband is a Dr. Jeckle and a Mr. Hyde.  You can never tell who hes going to be when he gets home after work  There are days during tne week where I will text him just to take his "temperature" to get an idea of whats in store for me when he gets home.  I feel even with my disability that I do everything but wipe his butt.

There is no praises or gee honey the house looks great, good job. And definately no PDA, public display of affection, not even in private.  Only when he wants something.

With my Adhd, i am taking Adderal, which is a godsend. Without it I am a zombie, cant focus, and just plain miserable. I no that I am a good person who loves her husband and I do my best everyday to do what needs to be done. And I try my best to make my husband happy. I do reconize with having Adhd that I too have my issues and I am not a peach to live with but hes just unreasonable. And i cant forget the double standards which basically means he can do what he wants but if I want to do the same thing, oh no. No way in hell.

Unfortunately leaving him is not an option at this moment. Im looking for suggestions on what i can do. Because now I am having panic attacks around the time hes done work and on his way home.  This is not away to live

I was reading this thread from 2012 - and I felt like I was the one who typed the question posted by “Runner” - I’ve been married to a man for approx 15 yrs and although he was diagnosed with ADHD after meeting w/him I am so perplexed by what I often refer this “split personality” Jekyll and Hyde…I never know what and when will make it occur, but it’s exhausting.  Could this be part of something else or is this typical with a person who has ADHD?  Thoughts?