That time of year again--a time when I sit at my computer and he gets frustrated for having to hand over papers and documents to me. He has never once--not once--done our taxes or took it upon himself to find someone to do them. The one year I waited on him to take care of it, I ended up rushing to a storefront rip-off place past the deadline. I'm thinking this is the end of this. I'm going to look for a professional tax person.
I'm so very tired of being the responsible adult in our marriage. I'm tired of walking through the house to make sure candles he has lit (terribly habit) are blown out before we leave or go to bed; of cooking every meal; of finding every contractor we need to do any bit of work in or around the house; of doing the deep cleaning in the house; of arranging for the pet sitter; of making the vet appointments for our dog; of constantly unloading the dishwasher and wiping down counters; of wiping down grime; I could go on and on. Yes, I have tried sitting back. I am not a control freak. I don't want all the responsibility. I do not want control! The clock on our microwave stopped (electricity went out for a moment). This time, I sat back and watched to see when/if HE would punch in the right time. It's been over 2 weeks. He doesn't know how. He won't figure out or learn how.
If you feel I've done or am doing something wrong, you won't hurt my feelings by saying so. Resentment is building.
Forum:
Comments
Waiting
Sorry about this.
Waiting for ADHD partner to step up has never helped in my experience either. One will just end upp with accumulated work, hurt and anger.
You’re likely not doing a thing wrong. It’s not you wanting control, it’s you being left to manage alone. I validate your frustration entirely.
"No man ( or woman ) is free...
....who is not master of themselves."
I'm saying this to the partner of an ADHD spouse. Waiting for someone else is not freedom.
Resentment goes away, when you take action for yourself...not for another person.
"What happens inside me is my responsibility.”
Julian Rotter - Internal locus of control.
J
At least you can count on (death and) taxes...
I really feel you. Last year my wife decided after 3 years of being for all intents and purposes unemployed that she would go into business for herself. I did A LOT of work to help her make a business plan, make revenue projections, and decide whether to register as an S-Corp. (If you're not in the US or a tax nerd, know that it's just an option for how small business owners recognize the business's income.)
Well it turns out she basically abandoned the business within a few months, having only engaged a few family and friends, but with low overhead she had a few dollars of income in 2025 - but regardless of all that, you still have to file a tax return for the business. After I filed the household's taxes (having caused her intolerable annoyance gathering the few pertinent documents I needed from her) I let her know the refund we had coming and she said "Do you need any documents for my business?" to which I responded "No, the business needs to file its own return" and showed her how to file a 1040 on the IRS website (because the business is so small and had such little business, this will be a very simple return.)
So that was in February and now we're a little more than a week away from the deadline and I'm pretty sure she's completely forgotten about it - but I've decided she owns this. Whatever it costs me in dollars I'm certain will be small enough that I'm not willing to run her "business" in addition to doing the stressful day job that actually puts food on the table.