Hi Everyone, I cannot tell you what a blessing it has been to stumble onto this site! I sat for hours reading the posts with tears running down my face. It was such a relief to know I was not alone in what I was experiencing. I met my DH 23 years ago when I was 21. He was a young fighter pilot in the USAF and I was an undergraduate student. Like most everyone, our courtship was wonderful. There were no real problems except a few personal things I noticed which I thought were odd. It was these very things that should have tipped me off to DH's ADD. Wrinkled clothes, lack of others needs, focus on his wants and desires..etc. It wasn't much, but I should have caught on. Being so young and naive I looked past these things and tried to concentrate on the good qualities he had. He was/is very intelligent, has a keen sense of humor, likes to do fun stuff, was successful at work( or so I thought). As with most ADD people, the hyperfocus was there and he was going places. The probelms didn't really start until we had kids. Everything in my life changed and seemingly nothing in his did. I took on all the responsibilities of wife and mother. Our first wasn't so hard it was the second that threw me for the loop. Not so much to do me in, but I thought since there were two kids now, Dh would pitch in more. Didn't happen. I managed fairly well without a lot of help. I was used to adding more to my plate. Dh was gone quite a bit so it actually helped keep things in order. I was able to keep things on schedule and the kids faired well under my guidance. When the third was born, it was chaos. Our third was a little more needy than our first two. She required more one on one, needing more attention, etc, (she is my adhd girl :)) my kids were all so little they helped entertain each other which was a blessing for me. They were 4, 2 1/2, newborn. Just like I wanted. I actually wanted 4 kids but the work got to be too much so I had to stop at 3. Let me say I feel so blessed to have my kids in my life, they are my saving grace and if I had never met Dh, I wouldn't have them. Now fast forward 10 years later... My son, my wonderful, thoughful, kind hearted, amazing, ADD son. He is so bright but struggles getting things in order for school. He does the work, but forgets to turn it in. His teachers love him because he's a great kid. They help him keep things in order as much as they can. He does get down on himself because he wants to do better and do it himself. He hates that he forgets stuff and thinks he stupid... I only wish I was as stupid as he is! I am working with a counselor to help address his needs so he won't get to the point my dh has. I wish I knew all of this 5-10 years ago. Things would have been so much easier! I am contemplating leaving my Dh. It has been so many years trying to parent him, and forgiving him for forgetting, being thoughtless, selfish, needy, I just don't know if I have it in me any more to go on with him. I feel it is better for our kids so I can teach them to be independent. If things stay the way they are they will not learn how to be independent. My feelings are this: Children learn by example..Dh counts on me for everything... laundry, cleaning, planning meals, grocery shopping, homework, appts., kids activities...etc.. The kids are learning to use me as Dh does... where is my.. when am I supposed to do that.... can you find.... what are we having for dinner, lunch...etc... is there any.....where is my homework... I'm sure this sounds familiar. I feel my Dh has taught our children to lean on someone else to figure things out for them. I am at fault for allowing it. I am learning to ignore requests so they learn responsibility and accountability. It is difficult at times but if I step in, I'm making it more difficult for them in the long run. I'm trying to undo what has been done. I don't know how long it will take, or if it will even work. I just feel in my heart that if things don't change they will be unhappy adults questioning everything about themselves. This is the last thing I want. I feel torn leaving my Dh as we have had some good years but if I stay I know things will not change and I cannot parent a 50 year old man. I have 3 kids who do need direction and guidance and the last thing they need is seeing an adult who is in essence, a child. What motivation is there for them to grow up and lead a life where they have to do things for themselves if they don't have to? I feel ADD has ruined my life.. I cannot let it ruin my kids life too. Sorry to go on... this has been years in the making..