My husband, 33, has just been diagnosed with a pretty severe case of ADD and probably some other issues (through SPECT analysis). We have been struggling for 2 years, I finally had to have him leave the house Friday because he was accusing me of being an insensitive person and treating him badly and insulting my "character." I told him that we have a lot of stress but neither one of us is a bad person. You know where this is going. I refuse to let him end this relationship because he overthinks. Not until he's under some good medicine and therapy. Anyway, he has had an appointment with an ADD "coach" for the last two weeks. He is just beginning what seems to be an "ok" program (went to some dr in VA who "used" to be with Amen and we are here in Florida!). He talked to the ADD coach only the 2nd time today. I asked him to update me tonight and let me know how he was feeling, if it was the same way. Because I'm not taking him back, ever, if he doesn't change his mind. I can handle all ADD issues (I've read all the books by this point, thanks to the suggestions of this forum for a long time). I can't handle my husband insulting myself as a person. Anyway, he said to give him a couple of weeks. We've never been apart for longer than two days without losing it. Of course he has no job and I am stuck with everything financially, including raising the 2 children I have. Etc. You know the drill. So, I'm busy, anyway, but this doesn't seem fair. I can't wait two weeks, I'll go crazy. I need someone to talk with about this because I begged him to let us get in front of someone who knows how to deal with ADD in a marriage, especially a case that was neglected for years and years. He has a coach whom he talks with over the phone. That's it. Then he tells me to wait a couple of weeks. This just isn't fair and my life is left hanging. I will give him the space he needs (which again neglects me...) but I need some help. I need someone to talk with about this because I can't do this alone and with parents/friends because they don't know ADD. I need to talk with a professional who can help me get through this. So, I did some research here and I'm going to have to find someone who SPECIALIZES in ADD here (largest city in Florida, you'd think I could find someone). We went to 3 marriage counselors/pyschologists, though, so far, and they've been HORRIBLE. Didn't address the ADD at all. They didn't get it.
I can't be with someone who is blaming me for his unhappiness...but is it ever going to be possible to convince him of otherwise or am I just wasting my time? I am not an abusive person and everything I've read says the meds aren't everything...he will have to take responsibility and stop blaming me for all. I fell madly in love with this man and had no idea he had all this, it was hidden for two years and just is finally coming out, after forever of him not dealing with it.
I know it all sounds so familiar, but I just wondered if I am holding out hope for nothing. And, don't you think we should be doing something instead of just "waiting" two weeks for my husband to decide how he feels about one coaching/ADD session?
I am so at a loss.
I have been reading these posts for months and they have helped me tremendously. I feel all of your pain. Just wondering what your thoughts are on this post.
Drowning, 7 blocks from the ocean.