Hi again. I started the topic "Wife-Moving-Out" ( http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/wife-moving-out-now#comment-14875 ) some time ago. I said I would close that topic because at that time we were planning on ending the separation on 5/1/2011.
Well -- maybe that should have been talked about more. This is a crazy turn of events, for this ADHD husband. But -- it's not all bad. First of all, my non-ADHD Dear Wife (DW) brought up that she would like to move back home spontaneously through no encouragement from me... which spun my head around. Then I countered with "lets not move to fast". The date of 5/1/11 was set and we took it to our marriage counseling sessions. All seemed well. Our counselor suggested that she have a 1 or 2 nighter back home to see how that went.
Uh, crap... well -- it was heaven for me. I miss my DW to the core. The initial reaction I had to her moving out wasn't good, as the housework went to hell, I spent a couple (or three) weeks in the pity pot, and then got back on track. But - after only a week and a half back on track, things weren't as spiffy around there. To summarize, the second day of her stay - she said maybe she wouldn't move back 5/1, but was thinking of 6/1. Shocker.
See - I'm just trying to do what I am supposed to do. So - for my non-ADHD dear wife to keep moving the target is a real DE-focus event for me. It took me about 16 hours to try to understand what had happened. I didn't like it. I really didn't like it. So -- I tried to cool off and then just talked about it. Seems that my DW is still very uncomfortable around the house. Many memories just not dealt with. As much as I don't like this, I only expressed my confusion and that I was disturbed by the waffle-ing. I asked that she brings this in her words to our marriage counseling session tomorrow. I asked that we do NOT set a date at this time (Yeah - I know, me saying that - again). She apologized for waffling about it and agreed.
So -- on a positive note, we are committed to a plan, and we both agreed, that will include more than just a date of her coming home. It will include statements about who will pay the bills or which bills, who will be responsible for housework and when, etc... I felt a little downer about that because I've taken on paying the bills, and the housework (although I can't do it all - HEY -- I need help with it like she always said... <grin>). We are compiling a list of index cards with projects on it. She has requested that we paint the living room together. I reminded her that I almost demanded that she not attempt that herself -- that I WOULD HELP!!!
So -- this thread... I'd like it to be about tools for coming together on these issues such as the above two paragraphs. Difficulties and how others have overcome them in successful separation plans, er I mean reuniting plans.... you get it? Try and end each post in a positive note, or a forward looking plan, or just a hello - I've been there.
A hard hit for me to swallow - the delay - but to blow my own whistle, I think I'm doing better. On to the index card project file!!!