Emotional selfishness in ADDers? I know they don't mean it, but . . .

I'm going through something that is emotionally devastating to me right now, but that is even worse for my (separated) husband. It involves one of his family members. I don't want to go into too many details, as I believe he may be reading this list from time to time, and I don't want him to know that "BreadBaker" = "my wife."

Let's say that, on a scale of 1 to 10, he's going through something that is a 9. I am going through the same issue, and it's an 8.5. Either way, we're talking about something that is extremely painful, and makes life extremely difficult to navigate.

I'm being treated as though something that has knocked the emotional wind out of me is "nothing," and that only *he* has the right to be upset, to seek comfort, etc.

Is this normal with ADDers--a sort of "co-opting" of a shared problem or grief? Or is it a sign of emotional selfishness--only he has any "right" to be affected by something?

I'm probably not explaining this very well. I may have to just describe what I'm really talking about in a later post in order to get accurate feedback.