Handling Conflict....

I've been my own worst enemy over the years, when conflict arises...In the name of seeking peace and resolution, I find my self taking a lot of abuse, because I feel as a husband I should be the aggressor in the restoration process...And that's fine and good at times (where we both took up the sword)...But it's wrong when I had no part in (took no part) her own internal anger, failed manipulation attempts, or when she disrespects boundaries and attempts to justifies it, with blame and silence.... 

We just spent 4 days at the LBL...(Land between the Lakes), and it was probably the best four day's we have spent together in quiet some time....We prayed together, we hiked several trails, we rode horses, we saw a fun 60's musical play...there was intimacy and love shared between us...Something we really needed as a couple....But it all ended about half way home....(Just to clarify, most of the 4 day's I allowed her to choose the activities just because it matter's more to her than to me....What matter's to me is love and peace between us)....

Because of our difference's we have...."Boundaries....(Acceptance and mutual respect for those differences)"....She thinks nothing about heading into rush hour traffic driving 50 or 60 miles in order to shop at some specialty store that isn't available in our town...I think it's ridiculous and wasteful when we have no less than 10 grocery stores with in 5 miles of home....But, it's her choice, her car, gas and  money....So I just say...I love you, and drive safely,...And that's it....

She know's the only reason I would ever go to that larger city (barring an emergency) is when I absolutely couldn't find an item here, or maybe once a year to eat out...But those times would always be at low traffic times mid-morning or night....So she decided she was going to force me to abandon my boundary, and do something I hated, in order to appease her want....So when I told her, she knows I would never do that, but, that when we get home, she can do what ever she thinks in wise....So she got angry, and told me that I was going to PAY!...LOL....I told her, that is so sad...We just had four of the most beautiful day's of our marriage, and she couldn't even make it home before she turned disrespectful and evil....So it was quiet....And it's been quiet....

The mistake I've made so many times is trying to break the silence, and instigate a healthy environment of love and interaction....Which does a couple of things...One, it lets her off the hook, she needs to apologize for her actions (she needs to recognize she needs to apologize!) ....Secondly, a childish mind like she lives in ( frivolity seeking, selfish and unconcerned about others feelings, especially (me) the spouse) struggles to realize she is wrong, and I'm just being the bigger person trying to restore the peace between us.....(So blame and justification becomes her reality in these instances)

So what am I going to do about it ??  I'm going to just live happily, and thankful....(Keeping my 10 and 6 year old grandchildren tonight, fun fun :)...(be thankful for the 4 great days of closeness we had)...And live just like she doesn't exist...Because If I harbor emotions about her actions, I am being held hostage by her behaviors....I couldn't stop it, nor can I change it....

I will let her come to me, and If she takes ownership, then hopefully I will hug and kiss her and we will move on....If she doesn't take ownership, I want be drug into talking about it with her, if she is just looking to blame or justify it....I will just quietly move on....I can live with it, if she can....All it does is decrease the chance I will look to put myself out there for her....And it for sure makes us have to discuss boundaries in every little aspect of a trip...From the time we leave until the time we arrive home.....It's tiring, and doesn't seem worth it at times...LOL....

Thanks you for allowing me to see this self encouragement in writing....

c