HE is always super tired after work..

My husband would come home from work always super tired,I am very tired,tired of him always tired...My work starts at the most unreasonable time in the morning because I am the owner of a small business and it's very demanding..I have to get up so early and start my day when the world sleeps..and I have been doing it for quit some time now.But I am not always tired ,I have my rough days, but I figure them out alone.Not so with my husband ,when he comes home every single day since I know him over a year now he complains and complains,his feet hurts,his back,his head,his everything.And i would have to be squeezing like I am some therapist.He would reach to work an hour late every day and come home two hour's early.He finishes a day work in a four hour period and pushes himself way over board.He is so hyperactive and his boss can't live without him because he so good at what  he does.But I am tired now,tired of the tiredness all the time..Everyday all the time,and he turn to substances to calm himself down.What about me,am I not allowed to be tired after work? No all the energy that's left from me goes to him everyday.My work don't have me tired,it's him who have me tired....

I experience this too

My spouse is always exhausted and complaining and it used to drag me down SO much. At this point in our lives we actually work the same hours, but even in the years when he worked many fewer hours (or none), he was always tired. My life improved dramatically when I just started to tune it out! I realized two things: one, he probably is more tired than I am since it takes so much more energy for him to get through a day and keep his act together, and two, household tasks are much more overwhelming for him, probably making him feel even more tired at the thought of them.

So, when he complains of being tired (or sick) I sympathize with him briefly, take him at his word and go on with my day. He does his thing, and I work on my life and my kids' lives. I have found that if I just accept that he is tired and move on, I can keep my own energy and happiness up. He doesn't add energy but he also doesn't take it away.

The nice thing is, every once in a while, after he takes a break and when he sees everyone moving and doing he gets another burst of energy and gets up and does something.

My biggest downfall, by the way, is if I ever make the mistake of mentioning out loud that I am feeling overwhelmed or tired. First, saying it out loud surely doesn't help my own emotional state! Second, he sees it as either an invitation to a contest as to who is more tired or he sees it as a criticism of him. None of these are positive outcomes.

Good luck...

My husband also has a hard

My husband also has a hard time when I mention my "issues":  if I talk about being anxious, he takes this as either criticism or "my problems are worse than your problems." 

Thank you!

Thanks for pointing out that I can get on with my life even if he is very tired (and he is, I know he is - he falls asleep if he sits down for too long!).

I too have spent far too much energy trying to solve his tiredness, and instead I could just be getting on with getting on.

And thank you, also, for sharing that you go through you I'm more tired/stressed/anxious/overwhelmed than you rigmarole.  I thought it was just me!  That is a load off my shoulders!

Does he have sleep issues?

Might he have sleep apnea or some other sleep disorder? I have sleep apnea and used to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Finally, after struggling for 3 years after the sleep apnea diagnosis with no treatment (due to my husband's lack of insurance due to his refusal to work), I got a C-PAP machine and not I'm not tired any more. 

I don't know about sleep

I don't know about sleep apnea, but will investigate.  I can't make him go to the doc though....

Sleep Issues Can Be Part of the Disorder Itself

I've been tired for as long as I can remember.  I was googling "sleep issues" and "ADHD" for my young son, who has started having sleep issues, and I came across an absolutely fascinating article (at least to me, it was) concerning sleep issues in ADHD.  https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/757.html  Additude magazine (yes, it is misspelled intentionally, as in "ADD attitude") is a respected publication, which got my attention.  One piece of advice I gleaned from the article was that people like me could benefit from a nighttime dosage of the same medication we take during the day.  Prior to this, I took an evening dosage, but a short-acting one, as stimulants are commonly believed to interfere with sleep.  This article suggested that this is not only NOT TRUE, but they actually HELP people with ADHD sleep.  It's true!  I have since replaced my evening dosage with a FULL dosage of my daytime medication (under supervision of my psychiatrist, who prescribes my Focalin).  I also occasionally take Melatonin, which also helps.  I NOW KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO SLEEP, REALLY SLEEP AT NIGHT.  I am very stressed in my marriage right now, so I am not falling asleep that well, which is a different issue.  But once I do fall asleep, I no longer toss and turn.  I sleep like a rock.  I also read on another website that people with ADHD don't get as much REM sleep when we sleep.  Your husband's complaints might be extremely annoying (and it sounds like they really are), but they are based on his reality.  I am not kidding when I say this:  Until my recent discovery, I used to think people were LYING when they said they weren't tired, even a little bit, or were well-rested.  I didn't realize it was possible to be fully awake, because I never was. I didn't really question the insanity of this belief, because it was the reality I've lived my entire life.  I am I, too, am hyperactive, but have always experienced HUGE variations in my energy level; sleep at the wrong times, awake at the wrong times.  Yes, this is part of the disorder, unfortunately.  Not everyone has sleep issues, but a lot of us do.  My Mom (also ADHD, untreated) has never had any sleep issues.  My ADHD son and I do.  I actually contributed a forum topic to this website on sleep following my discovery: 

Hi YYZ and all you ADHDers out there: Sleep Issues and ADHD


I hope this helps!

sleepless nights,

My DH is not sleeping at nights,can't keep up in the day b/c of the lost of sleep in the night,forever tired and never able to even manage half of the day in work,and this goes on for months and months now,I try to help him by giving him massages but only then it might work a little bit,but he wants this every night,I can't do it all the time b/c I work long hours and then I have to just lay down a moment to get back some energy, I know sleep issues is ADHD related,I am not living with him so I can't monitor his sleep habits,but I'm pretty sure he don't go to bed by 12 or 1 every single night.Wht can I do to maybe educate him on this? anyone.

Sleep issues...

Believe it or not, taking my last dose of Adderall later in the day, around 5pm seems to help me be sleepy at an earlier time, like around 10 or 10:30. We discussed this on this thread, I think, a while back. The logic makes sense, because when the meds wear off the mind starts racing again which is why I had sleep issues before my diagnosis. It helps me a lot to go to bed, when possible, as soon as I get the sleepy feeling. Which means, go to bed, no TV, no gaming, no last minute chore, or reading. Any of these things can flip the switch back on, then who knows when I'll get sleepy again.

thanks YZZ,

Thanks my dear,I will educate him on that when he gets meds,so he could sleep a bit more and stop harassing me less,it tends to give him mood swigs all the time,I am not ADHD and if I don't get enough sleep I get very irritated,so I can't imagine how that feels on top of the disorder.,much helpful I appreciate much much,

stay good,god bless


Anytime, LoveHurts...

As soon as I went on Adderall, I noticed that my insomnia was Greatly Improved. It was recently that I noticed taking my last Adderall later helped me with sleep AND I was still medicated for my family after work :)

A WIN WIN in my book ;)