Help for stressed partner


My partner was diagnosed a few years ago but things haven't been right for a long time. We've been together over 20 years and have two children. He has a terrible temper. If something isn't working he flips out. Things get thrown and I usually get blamed even if it's not my fault. I've been told in the past that "I made him do something" because he got worked up and that was as a result of something I did. This includes once making our 2-year-old cry because he smashed glass and our son was then scared of him. He said I made him do that and it's my fault he's scared of him. It's all come to a head in the past week when he took something I said literally to heart and things got destroyed. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do. I am constantly at the end of verbal abuse. Yesterday he broke stuff and apparently it was my fault for not coming to stop him. When he was struggling with something last week I stupidly suggested he asked for help from a professional and that led to all this. Now he's getting rid of things because he feels inadequate and apparently that's my fault. I was only trying to help.

If I get upset and start talking about my feelings or how he makes me feel then he says I am playing the victim.

He never admits fault or apologises for anything.

This is only the tip of the iceberg, so much has happened over the years. My anxiety is sky high. I said I wasn't sure if I want to continue and he said he would leave if I wanted him to. But we aren't in a strong position financially. He's in between jobs and my role may come to and end in a few months so I don't feel strong enough. I want to get some help through therapy because I feel destroyed inside and I want someone else to validate my feelings.

Can anyone offer any advice?