Hi Im new, lost....

I want to keep this short, though I do have a lot to say, not sure if everything or anything is going to make sense as I put it all out here...I'm hurting and I'm so very angry - destroyed - desperate - I don't know how to start this or where to turn, who to talk to... it's been a year and a half. We're engaged as of April (though I am constantly questioning why we made this decision - I love him, I'm just not sure it's enough to keep us together anymore) -I'm unraveling, fast now. I can't handle the ordeals anymore we were happy, once. I was always a quiet well put together person, everything going great and the typical good girl scenario, then I met the guy I am engaged to today.

It seems so much longer than a year and a half that we've known one another because of everything - the struggles - the fights - feeling like a 'parent' rather than a 'partner'....I'm still not sure if I've ever really known what it feels like to be his girlfriend over feeling like a parent before I was ready to take on the things that I did not know I was signing up for when I initially met him.

I just turned 27 in June, he's 30... we're a mess, we have been for most of the time we've known each other aside from the first 3 months after our meeting. After the first three months it all went down hill so fast. I don't know what else to do at this stage, I found myself almost looking for easy options out of this in terms of anything.

I love him, my heart and body know it, my mind thinks I'm nuts for continuing to tolerate things the way they are - I hate the ADD. I can't differentiate anymore what are truly the 'ADD' characteristics and what are his true personality characteristics or how to see the differences when they happen.

I ask myself every morning why I am still here, I love him but I can't do this anymore and I can't make a final decision either way. Counseling is expensive, we're young and broke but the non the less I feel with the right help we still have what it takes to make it. Be happier and get back what we lost after our first three months....

I'm so lost, just hurting so much lately...