How Do I?

For some history, please go here.

I've been doing some real soul searching these past 4 months. As in many cases, I've been feeling grief, anger, sadness, and hope that things will get better. I am however dealing with some negative thoughts that I feel the need to express.

Why I am concerned: I was introduced to the idea that I had ADHD by my wife, who was introduced by her mother. My wife began reading Melissa's book and asked me to start reading it as well. As in many cases, it took awhile to get on board (roughly 3 months) but once I started reading the book, I couldn't stop. I actually finished the book before her which surprised me because i thought she read the whole thing. She expressed that she gave up when I wasn't showing interest. I convinced her to finish the book because, though I was so saddened by what I read, I did have hope and want to immediately seek treatment and begin turning things around.I knew that I would need her to read the rest of the book, which deeply goes into the non ADHD side and how to interact with their ADHD spouse. She did finish reading it and was angry to see all of the things Melissa proposed the non ADHD spouse do in order to move forward. However, she stuck around and I began treatment and counseling. Now, facing this alone, I have some fears:

I am not concerned about turning myself around. I do believe i can stick to this plan. I've written lists, and schedules and put lots of things in place to keep me motivated and on task. What I am concerned about is: If she does choose to become more involved in our relationship again, I don't think it will work unless both her and her parents have a full understanding of what it is like to have a brain like mine! Not just for me, but for our daughter! My wife also has some serious issues to deal with from her past that she really has never faced. I feel like she would really need some counseling and soul searching as well before i could really believe that we could be a fully functional couple again. Has anyone gone through a similar experience to mine? I would appreciate any advice, insight, wisdom on the way I am feeling!

 

 

Yes

Yes I'm sure your wife could benefit from therapy, and knowing more about ADHD. I'm not sure she will be able to fully understand what it's like to be ADHD, just as you probably wouldn't know what being ADHD free is like. I've tried reading the ADHD material and it helps for sure. You can suggest therapy to her but can't force her. Couples therapy with an ADHD specialist is probably a good start. Not sure you need to get her folks on board, at least right away.  As long as they aren't sabotaging efforts that is. I am happy to hear your commitment to improvement hasn't wavered. Good luck.