I posted a thread on this forum a couple of weeks ago: The longest breakup...ever.
At that time I said he'd constructed what feels like a complex conspiracy theory. Pretty much it's the world against him with a few main players: his mother; his father; his siblings; the church; whoever bothers him, which seems to be everyone; and as I had the bad judgment to get involved with him, me. To what degree, I'm not sure, but I have to admit I saw this pattern of him making himself a victim and feared the worse when I broke up with him.
When it started, he said he'd had some memories come up. This worried me immediately because we've had many a yelling match where he's sworn up and down that I did or said something that I did not. Knowing he's got that trait, I reminded him that he has false memories, and, in the past, I've been able to disprove a few. Most I can't because it's his recollection against mine, and I acknowledge that I don't have perfect recollection and sometimes forget things too. Eventually, he started trying to weave me into his narrative, I told him firmly to not involve me into his theory. I also refuse to engage with him beyond necessary stuff: shopping (which is now off the table - he's on his own), rent, expenses, noise levels, and him consistently sleeping on the couch since I broke up with him. This means when he has a breakthrough or a bit of wisdom he wants to share with me, I don't indulge it.
I know that people with ADHD have impulse control. He keeps having outbursts and keeps trying to talk to me about this stuff. He sits around watching videos and swearing at the TV (no matter what's on - I literally cannot watch a TV show in peace anymore), yelling at me, or yelling at his mother or father by video chat. I've pointed out that this is very similar to people on the street who are having angry outbursts and babbling to themselves. Today he's saying stuff like I'm a "sheep" because I refuse to listen to him or when I engage he's "taking my energy". Actually, when I speak, I'm trying to get through to him. What he's never grasped in the 4 1/2 years we've been together is that I'm very sensitive, so his negativity really does drain me (there is something to that "taking my energy" thing, but not in the way he thinks.) With him, I've been fighting fire with fire. He says something over the top and rude: I hit him right back, which, of course, he doesn't like. I then point out that he can't say messy things and expect it not to come right back at him. I'm not here to be a pin cushion for him. Clearly, my best bet is to just not speak to him unless it's necessary. I'm trying to stick to that.
It's pretty amazing to see how he's coping or not coping. He doesn't see that 1) he's under a ton of stress and 2) he's a narcissist. I say narcissist because everything, including his parents' divorce, is about him. I'm not a psychotherapist or psychologist, so "narcissist" might not be the right term as there might a better description of what's going on.
I told him today that I'll have to take action if I feel threatened.
The bottom line is this: I feel like this narrative might progress to the point where my physical safety might be an issue. It's not now. I can't call the cops on him. There are tons of mentally unstable people on the streets. They're not going to do anything about him having conspiracy theories and being a pain in the a$$ to live with. Currently, he's not threatened me physically. He's always said stuff like wars are good for population control and with this current theory how he's going to kill people he thinks are behind it.
I'm starting to think through friends I can call and, hopefully, crash with should I feel I can't live in the same space. I've not told them yet, but I feel like I'm going to have to very soon.
We still live together. Right now, I'm starting to do research on what I need to do to legally serve him notice. The lease is in my name although, according to him, if it weren't for him I'd not have this place. Not true - I found it, brought him to the viewing, applied, got approved, and put the money down - so not sure how he had much to do with it beyond agreeing it was a good place to move into. He always talked about getting added to the lease, but he never did. Of course, in his mind now that's my fault too because I "didn't help him" get it done. I'm in a can't win situation.
Basically, any tips on deescalating and ways to make sure this doesn't continue to go sideways. At this point, I can only control myself, but I'm reaching out because maybe some of you have experienced something similar.