I'm so lost....

I am so tired of it seeming like everything is about my ADHD spouse. One little inconvenience to him, and it's "why didn't you help me/do that I was in pain!" but I can be sick, with a broken foot, and it's "can you do this for me?" I just want to be cared for. 

My son (8) has started asking me/telling me to leave/divorce his dad. 

I... I am speechless. 

He is doing so because my husband uses squirting water from his squeezable water bottle on our child as punishment. I hate that he does this. I find it no different from spanking, which my husband is vocally and firmly against. The way my son reacts when it happens, the way he jumps in fear when his dad reaches for a drink... I see it as abuse (kiddo calls it abuse, husband says that he calls it that cause I called it that.) I feel like I can't ask others about this, because strangely, I feel like spraying with water as discipline is less socially acceptable than spanking...

I feel a sense of responsibility to my child to not put him in an abusive situation. I have a decent job (I"m the financial provider of the house) but we homeschool (kiddo has ADHD and is Autistic (I'm Autistic as well)) and if I'm paying for child care, I will be making 3-5.00/hour take-home. He wouldn't do well in a public school setting, and besides that I'm nocturnal and work night-hours, so school-as-daycare doesn't work. 

I'm just so lost. I don't want to live like this. 

I can't think of a single trip that I've taken with hubby that was genuinely good. 

It's stupid, but I biked home from work today listening to Spotify and it played Truely Madly Deeply by Savage Garden and- yes, I WOULD like to stand with my husand on a mountain.... we went to Colorado for our 10th wdding aniversary, and he drove me around the mountains, and I got out of the car and took scenery/selfy pics.... I didnt' get any of us in that gorgeous place. He got ill, and the entire week was cut short.

I know life isn't a fairy-tale, but I feel certain that I dont' want this to be my life if I only have this one time to live. 

But I love him... and this pain turns physical, where my chest literally hurts and I know that's not good for me either....