Negotiating Differnces in Organizational Styles

My wife has done a great job in learning how to stay organized.  She works very hard at it and puts a lot of time into maintaining to do lists and calendars.  I can't imagine how disorganizaed she would be, and how chaotic things would be, if she didn't work so hard at this.  And for all her work, I am very grateful!

I, on the other hand, have no problem remembering things and staying organized.  I can remember what I need from the store.  I can remember to do the laundry without it being on a to do list every week.  I can remember to cook dinner at 6 without it being on my to do list.  I can remember to go to choir rehearsal at 7:30 on Wednesday without it being on my calendar (which, by the way, is not electronic).  I know I am very lucky that I can stay organized with almost no effort.

My wife wants me to use HER systems of organization, which is to say she is constantly trying to get me to use electronic to do lists and calendars, saying if I only did so, she could just "sync" with me and then she'd never forget anything.  When I mention to her that we need something from the store (she does the shopping) she says - if you put it in my electronic shopping list program for me I would remember it.  I feel it is too cumbersome to use the electronic systems.  I AM willing, however, to send her an email with what we need, which I do.  She then adds it herself to her electronic list.  Sometimes this works, and sometimes she gets the email but forgets to put it into her electronic list, or she DOES put it into her list and then she forgets to look at it!  Or when I tell her I made plans for us on Saturday night, she'll say - put it in my calendar.  Which I don't.  (I don't use electronic calendars for myself because I don't like them.  So I'm not about to use them for someone else!)

When she does forget something I told her about, rather than owning it was something SHE did, she says it's my fault because I "refuse" to put it into her electronic list or calendar directly.  I feel she basically saying "If you want me to remember things, you have to use my system. Otherwise, forget it."  And it bothers me more that she is blaming ME than that she forgot the item or the date.

I also have an issue the times I ask her - in the moment - to put something I think is important on her list or on her calendar, so she doesn't forget to put it there, and she acuses me of being controlling - "You always want everything done when YOU want it dones."  And my answer usually is something like "Because I know if you don't do it now, you'll forget.  And then I just end up nagging you until you do it."  I've tried the compromise of posting a reminder for her to put something in her clandar, but she often reads the note but doesn't do it.  I have taped notes to her coffee mug and it STILL falls through the cracks.

At this point I feel I am stuck with two choices - either enter things directly onto her multiple of lists and calendars (which seems overwhelming to me because her system is so complex and way to detail oriented for me!) or just living with the fact that she's going to forget things.  I don't like either of these options, and was wondering if anyone had any other suggestions.