New to this site and need advice

It has taken me 25 years of marriage to realize the impact my husband's ADHD is having on our marriage.  He is aware that he has ADHD but thinks most of our issues are my fault.  Went to counseling last summer: didn't help at all.  I am overwhelmed, angry, sad, and actually mourning what I thought my marriage should be.  I have no feelings left for him.  I am choosing to stay because of my kids.  I have decided what is best for them is more important than what my needs might be.  I need advice on how to let go of the anger.  I feel that his ADHD is an excuse sometimes for behavior that I see as selfish and irresponsible.  I have managed our finances all these years including trying to figure out how to get through the rough patches.....all by myself.  I make 3x as much as he does and took on another job to help us get out of credit card debt.  He took no responsibility for his half of our debt and is quite content to have me pay it all off myself.  I separated our finances six months ago because he would just spend money and keep asking me constantly for more money.  He has no concept of the difference between a NEED and a WANT.  Today I found out he has messed up all his bills (the few that I gave him) and has got himself $1000 behind in bills.  To top it off, he is mad at me about it.  Gives me the cold shoulder and is bitter and angry towards me.  His mood swings about due me in.  He is so careful in public to be this great guy but saves all the negative stuff for me.  He has been on multiple meds in the past and Adderall just makes him angry and mean.  I feel like some of his irritability is a choice because how can he be so nice in public and then snarl at me two minutes later.  I need advice on how to handle these mood changes and how to let him fall on his face with his finances and not feel guilty.