Ive posted here before about my separation. Its been 5months and things are calm. However im now in the mindset of "was what happened really that bad - should i go back". This is because ive been in denial, and have PTSD i think. So my ADHD partner of 20years has done the following, that i have found or know about:

1. Sexually explicitly messaged another woman 11years ago, prior to proposing. 

2. Messaged his ex girlfriend to clear the air prior to the wedding, stating "dont get me wrong, i do love her but i wish i settled down sooner". Intimating he wish he had settled with her. Is this how you read it? - 10years ago

3. Sept 2020 he threatened to leave me, we were not getting along at all . So i dont blame him. 

4. He got fired for sexual harassment in dec 2020. Sending a pornagraphic image of a mans body parts to a woman, commenting on another womans "big boobs' and various other inappropriate comments, a racist joke and a homophobic joke. I helped during the HR process. Told him to resign and he ignored me. The following 1.5years to 2022, he showed no appreciation towards me for suppirting him and building him up again following him getting fired. No dates, weekends away, or general grovelling. 

5. March 2021 he partially completed a dating profile. It was not and is not active. It has a radom picture, his name and fake DOB. He stated he couldnt remember setting this up. 

6. I found chitchat message attempts to other woman dec 2021, june 2022. These were late at night and checking in on them. They did not reply. 

7. He was a frequent pot user from 2005 to 2020. This has now stopped when he got fired, despite me asking him to stop for near 10years. My issue here is he says he stopped it for me. He didnt, he stopped due to getting fired. He smoked everynight from 2017 to 2020, therefore impacting our intimacy levels.

I separated in nov 2022. However all is now becoming real. My children are on a 50/50 custody split which i didnt want and think that is the reason i stayed so long. Am i mad to have left? Is any of this infidelity or cheating? My mind is so warped as i took on the ADHD narrative of its all a joke and no intent to hurt me. Thanks for your help as im drowning without my children.