Terrifically Worried About My Son...

Halfway through his first year of Kindergarden, my son was diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  Some of his symptoms are very similar to ADHD, but we haven't checked him out for it yet...  It'd honestly be difficult to distinguish them from the autism.  He's now 14 years old, in 8th grade, and he gets along pretty well most days.

One of his primary symptoms has always been difficulties regulating his emotions, especially anger.  He'll have a tendency to shut down completely or react with physical violence.  And often it happens so fast that he can't catch himself, even with warnings and reminders from others.  Afterwards, he's perfectly and genuinely sorry over whatever he did.  He often says that once it starts he "can't think".

And like a lot of autistics, he also has a tendency to self harm when he gets upset or overly frustrated with himself...  Banging his head against walls or tables, for example.  Once or twice, I found him tying himself -- arms and neck -- to the headboard of his bed.  When I talked to him about it, he said he was punishing himself.  I had several long talks with him about it, and had thought -- had hoped -- that was the end of it.

Just the other day, I noticed he had some scuff marks on his neck.  They looked a little like the sort of abrasive marks you get on your shoulders when you wear a backpack that's loaded too heavy and has the straps adjusted too tight.  I thought that he might be tying himself up again.  I talked to him about again.  He didn't want to, but he admitted that he was wrapping things around his neck.

This morning, he was a little late wetting out the door for the bus, so I went down to his room, knocked on his door and poked my head in.  I noticed the belt from his bath robe tied to the light fixture in his room and dangling down.  The paint around the fixture was cracked, as if it had been pulled slightly out of the ceiling.  I asked him about it.  He didn't walk to talk about it.  I let him know that this was serious, that he wasn't in trouble, and that we would talk about it after school, because I love him and want to find out what going on so I can help.

This terrifies me beyond the capacity for rational thought.  This isn't the usual teenager contemplating suicide as a cry for help but not actually intending on going through it.  This is him trying and failing.  Had he been a little bit lighter, or had the lighting fixture been a little bit stronger, I might have come home to find him dead.

I'm going to call my therapist as soon I calm down enough to do so, and get her advice...  she specializes in autism as well ADHD.  His autism complicates things, and I'm not sure how effective the usual suicide counseling would be.

 

Pb.

 

Pbartender's picture

Just got off the phone with

Just got off the phone with his school's psychologist and social worker.  They're going put their heads together and come up with a plan...  they'll talk to him about what's going on, also get to me about what I can do to help.

 

Pb.

PBAR

I am so sorry.  Praying for the health of your son and your family.

When self harming is a

When self harming is a possibility, one piece of advice is to remove the means for inflicting the harm.  So, find and lock up sharp objects, things that can be used to hang or bind or tie, poisons, medicines, anything you can think of that your son could use.  This obviously won't deal with the impulse, but it at least will help with keeping the tools out of his reach.

Pbartender's picture

Unfortunately, with autism,

Unfortunately, with autism, the most common forms of self-harm require no tools...  Head banging, hand biting, excessive rubbing or scratching.  My son has done them all at one point or another.  And the reasons for it aren't necessarily emotional.  Often, it's simply a form of self-stimulation, or a means to block out over-stimulation.

This, though, is something else entirely.

And thanks for the idea, I appreciate the sentiment, but...  Holy cow.  He's 14 and he's not stupid.  It'd be practically impossible to eliminate all the means for him inflict harm on himself.  Not to mention that he still has to go to school, and we certainly can't do it there.  If he really wants to, he can find a way to hurt himself.

At this point, I think it's better to identify and cure the cause, so that he doesn't really want to.

 

Pb.

I think that you need to

I think that you need to determine if it's even safe for your son to be attending school or otherwise away from you or another responsible adult right now.  Attempting suicide is an emergency, a life-threatening emergency.  Please consult your son's physician as well as the other people you have talked to and put together a plan to keep your son in a safe place (home, with trusted relatives, in a hospital if need for be) for as long as necessary.

Pbartender's picture

The thing about his brand of

The thing about his brand of autism is that, if isn't actually a mix of autism and ADHD, his symptoms have a lot in common with ADHD.  So, while it may crop again and we do have to figure out what's going on so it doesn't happen again, once it's over, it's over...  His moods are all or nothing, and he has that same sort of "now/not now" sense of time.

So now, for the moment, I don't think there's anything immediate to worry about.  His social worker had a chat with him, and while he was reluctant to go into details, he assured her he felt okay and safe, and that the plan was to talk with me about it after school, and he was comfortable doing that.  In fact, the only thing he really expressed concern over was the fact that the meeting with her was unscheduled.

It almost made me laugh, when she told me that over the phone.  It's so very him.  His thought process can be so alien, even to me.

Nonetheless, while I don't exactly plan on hiding the forks and shoestrings, I most certainly will keep an extra eye on him for a while.

 

Pb.

Don't wait!

Please don't wait -- an acquaintance's 21-yr old just killed himself two weeks ago. Good kid, good job, no notice. Had ADD, maybe more.

Put him in a hospital immediately if he is trying this and not telling anyone!  He is not giving you much warning -- but it sounds like he is definately practicing and will carry this out when he gets enough nerve. Change his environment NOW and figure out a plan from there. You cannot afford to wait on something this serious.

Good that you have talked to him to let him know you care, but SOMETHING MUST CHANGE IMMEDIATELY for him. Even if he doesn't follow thru -- do you want to take that chance? The holidays are particularly bad times for suicides.

Pbartender's picture

And now DW is mad at me,

And now DW is mad at me, because I didn't immediately tell her what had happened right away...  could be why she kicked me off her medical insurance plan.

I understand how she's feeling about it, but she won't talk about it so I can explain what happened.  It's something of a long story, so please bear with me...

Exactly three years to the day before I discovered what my son had done, my father died.  He wasn't in the best of health -- both his kidneys had failed, he'd had a kidney transplant, and a also a heart attack, all years before -- but he was doing as well as could be expected, considering.  He suffered an aneurysm while he was out shopping, and by the time they got him to the hospital, it was too late.  He was in a coma, and was alive on life support but only because he was on life support.  I was the first out-of-state sibling to arrive.  Everyone else who already there -- my mother, one of my brothers and two of my sisters -- were so distraught that they weren't thinking straight.  It fell to me to make the decision to end his life support and let him die, and then convince my inconsolably grieving mother to give the doctors permission to do it.  then, the bulk of the responsibility of organizing and planning his funeral also fell on me.  For the sake of the rest of my family, I had to keep it together, to keep it all in, stay steady and in control so that the uncomfortable, but necessary practical business could get taken care of. 

Even after the funeral was over, I didn't get a chance...  My older sister had spectacular nervous breakdown, ostracizing herself from the entire family.  My diabetic younger sister managing to send herself to the emergency and almost died from diabetic shock induced by a bout of binge drinking.  My younger brother, living in my mother's basement, lost his job yet again and threatened suicide.  My eldest sister, a pastor, quit her job due to a disagreement with her congregation's collective view on gay rights, and came to live with us for several months until she got back on her feet.  Plus, I made several trips back to my hometown to help my mother deal with the business of setting up my father's headstone, collecting his life insurance, his retirement and his Navy pension, rewriting her will, and so on.  And all the while, we were going through the months long process of purchasing a house on short sale.

So, it wasn't until nearly two years later that I finally had the breathing space to process what had happened -- my father had died, and in a way, while there truly wasn't anything that could have been done for him, I was the one responsible for letting him die.  I can't possible describe how that felt.  My wife noticed my wretched moods, and so I opened up to her about it.  She told me, "It's been two years.  Suck it up and get over it already.  At least you had a dad."  It crushed me.

So, when I realized what my son had done, and I realized that I could have just as easily found him dead and that in a certain way his death could have been my fault...  It all came back to me.  Instead of talking to my son about what had happened, I could instead be planning his funeral.  It paralyzed me.  Even right now, just typing about it, I'm going all shaky and jittery and numb, and it's all I can do to hold it together and not break down and cry.  All I could think about was making sure he was safe.  Of ensuring beyond a doubt that he wouldn't try anything like this again.  It was like I was am automaton -- a robot -- with one purpose and one purpose only...  help my son.  The fact that I should tell her was there in the back of my mind, but I simply couldn't until the crisis was over.

By the time the dust had settled and I'd recovered my senses, it was already a day and a half later.  I knew I should have told her earlier, but like I said, I simply couldn't while my son was still in danger.  Then, it was missed opportunities...  My son made me promise not to tell her, for fear that she would get worried.  I tried to get her attention without tipping him off Saturday evening after she got home from work, but she was too busy baking cookies for her coworkers and ignored me and blew me off, and I was so upset about it that I had to give up or blow up.  Sunday, she went to work early -- before 9 am -- and then didn't come home until very late -- sometimes after 11 pm, when I finally went to bed.  In the end, she didn't found about it until several days later, when his school psychologist mentioned it at his IEP meeting.

She was understandably furious...  She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say about it and a week later still won't.

I know I messed this one up, at least partially, and I understand perfectly why she's so mad about it, but also I think she would understand why and how it happened, if only she'd listen.  In the meantime, she's burning bridges.

 

Pb.

Children and parents

You and your wife are the adults. This is hard to handle when a parent dies.  My mother died last year - It surprises you how it affects you after the fact, doesn't it --- walking through your doubts and grief HAVING to grow up yourself - not realizing you were holding on to that connection of parent child even though you THINK you are all grown up already.  You and your wife, whatever happens between the two of you, would do well to pay your attention to your son.  Tell him (text him) you love him EVERY DAY...even if you don't that day.  Tell him you are there for him EVERY DAY. Talk to him even if he doesn't want to talk to you. Talk to him even if he doesn't like what you say.  Tell him things will be OK.  Tell yourself things will be OK.  There might be pain but you can withstand it.  Children are only children for a short time. If I could turn back the clock, I would have talked to my son when he was young more often rather than respecting the privacy he so strongly guarded.  When they wince with pain at your words...keep talking.  When they turn away from your presence...stay in the room with soothing, supportive words.  When they are frustrated with you (themselves), remind them what you love about them.  Let your wife be angry.  5 years from now it won't matter what SHE FELT like.  It WILL matter what you both say and do with your son now.  I know it is hard.  I hear you.

Jenna

This was might be, my favorite post on this forum Jenna. What an insightful and warm thing to say?  I can hear you in this and I learned of your kindness and the strength in your words.  Thanks for sharing....:)

J

Thanks, J

Thanks for saying just the words you did....WARM is the best compliment for me. I have been reading the forum on and off for a while, feeling that this is my place for "ranting" sometimes.  I don't need to rant the way I was doing a few years ago.

I have come to some acceptance. Now, I realize that H's M.O. with me is revenge/attack.  If I bring up an issue we need to talk about, He starts playing defense/offense.  One of his favorite things to say to me is "You are cold just like your mother".  He knows these words were a trigger for me because I work to NOT be cold. My mother was not a warm person. I now realize that his words are not thoughtful, helpful or cooperative but rather he uses words to me like barricades so that I stop trying to get him to commit to anything.  His calling me "cold" used to shut me up.  No more.  Now I strain his words through a reality screen and remind myself that more lies come from him than helpful truths.  I no longer get hot in the face and turn inward with confusion, taking his attacks on my character personally. 

I am afraid in my attempts to "not be cold", I have instead become not warm but "soft".  I soaked up all the rhetoric in movies, magazines, and religious culture I was brought up in to believe that the worth of a woman was honesty, hard work and supporting her husband and family. I wrongly interpreted that to mean that it was my place to support their egos, their comfort, their well-being.  In the process, no one gave me encouragement "nor even permission" to have a will of my own. I was TAUGHT NOT TO HAVE A WILL OF MY OWN.  I used to pray "Not my will but Thine"  ALL the time.   Maybe my female, middle child, Midwest brain took that to mean that I was not worthy of ANYTHING except serve others. 

I am on an all out WAR to change and to teach girls to listen to their own hearts and give them the "permission", no DIRECTION to fight for what they believe and for their own dignity.  I have been so conditioned to being demure.  At this late age I feel like a failure in life.  I did not grow up to be able to listen to my own heart.  I don't hear it telling me what I WANT...(because I was taught to not have wants or to pay attention to my own needs...or to even have needs).  I have, my entire life, looked to others for direction like a student, looked to experts, pastors, parents echoing words in my head about how I SHOULD be.  I thought being scholarly was wise.  THE RULES.  I have been trying to live by the RULES.  And sometimes in life there are no rules and a person has to make decisions.  I have been unable to make important decisions because I did not allow myself to do ANYTHING except follow the rules.  How does a person change themselves?  I feel like the person I am IS wrong.  

In today's world, it seems, that those who fight and are strong willed are considered the leaders, people to look up to.  Sassy, sexy women divas seem to be who we look up to now.  The strong survive.  The weak do not inherit the earth. What does that even mean?  I see this played out over and over.  I am trying to come to some acceptance and CHANGE from my quiet "seat in the back" and step up to be counted and heard, especially when it comes to my own life.  For the good of my family, I must be strong and show them who I am.  I don't want them to think of me just as the agreeable housemaid or worse a victim of my own gutless, spineless character.

Thanks for listening to my Thanks that turned into another rant.

Fighting the Good Fight ...Jenna

The fight from within?  I get that...when I read what you write the same as when I "vent" and write at the same time?  We've talked about this before...but nothing has changed?  It is so confusing to see how what was "right" yesterday...is "not right" today and things keep evolving and changing but we suppose to keep up with all of this?  It's almost like we have to be "lawyers" and keep up with the ever chagning laws so we can apply the current ones correctly....until they change them on us...and then we have to change along with them?  It's exasperating and extremely frustrating when you think...just when I got it all figured out......it changed again!!! LOL

What is really frustrating more than anything is we have no good role models to pattern ourselves after?  Look at who is president now? He might actually do Okay as President...but he's not a good role model as a person...that's for sure!!!  Not someone I want to pattern myself after?  Can you say Narcissist!!! OMG!!!

And what about those Divas you mentioned?  I read not long ago...when they were conducting a research on Narcissism in respect to the media...and the highest % of Narcissism of all shows included were in those reality shows like  "Real Housewives of....".....or......" Keeping Up With the Kardasians"   NO!!!  Wrong!!!  None of them are "Real"  and no one you want to keep up with!! lol  Not good role models or in respect to "strong woman".......unless you want to be a self absorbed, self serving, selfish "Bitch"....who has strong Narcissistic tendencies and only in it for themselves?

I mean....the producers of these shows are brilliant in their own right if you think about?  Hey....I know...lets round up the most self serving bunch of Narcissistic Women we can find and throw them all together in one room and just let them go at it?  We don't even need a script...they'll take care of that all on their own!!! lol   Brilliant!!!  And the one thing they can count on is.....that they will be extremely predictable and consistently never let them down? lol

But they call them Diva's and that is being generous IMHO. lol  It might make for good entertainment ( for 5 minutes or less lol ) but it's not who you want to pattern yourself after and this is not coming from a "strong" person in that respect.  Not good role models to say the least even if they are "mouthy" and speak up for themselves?  What do yoh expect in that case...demure??? lol

And I hear what you are saying about how things really come to be....I don't think it starts out that way...but it gets perverted along the way and by the time we hear about it...it's all messed up?  Like passing a message down the line from one person to the next...and by the time it reaches the end of the line....that message is not what it started out to be from the compounding effect that all the misinterpretations that get fed into it along the way?

What really impressed men in what you were saying   ( whether it was your intention or not ) was that if you go back and read what you wrote...and apply that now to yourself and your husband ( instead of a child )....it is the best advise that I think I could ever give anyone who comes here to this forum...but applying it to their spouses instead?  Honestly.  I couldn't have said that better myself and why it really moved me because you were so "real" in everything you said and to the point......it would be much harder to do in light of your spouse... but it doesn't change the fact that it is really really good advise?  I'm saying for you to do with your husband in exactly the same way you said.  To the letter.  It was damn near flawless as far as I can see and I can see this working in exactly the same way.

You know....you mentioned this "childish" or "juvenile behavior" before as far as your husband goes and even in how I approach things...I know it comes off with a hint of "childishness" in some of the things I say?  But in terms of what things appear like...or making appearances ( on the outside?).....the facade or personas that people adopt to present to the outside world....does not speak to what that person is like on the inside and that can be either good or bad depending on and depending on what they will actually do in action despite what it looks like...and just making appearances?

The fact that I'm not pretentious and trying to hide "the child in me" sometimes....does not mean I act like one at home....or my actions reflect this in reality?  That can work just the opposite too.....but the actions are what speak louder than the words in every case?

Part of my own denial....was denying the child in me and pretending to act all adult and mature ( on the outside ) and actually being less mature and adult in my thinking than I am now ( or on the inside ) 

Ironically.....I act more like a child in some ways more now than before..and am much more  "child like" on the outside since that child is part of who I am and who I was and I recognize that child where before I disowned it?   Just because your older doesn't mean you weren't that way before?  Denying the child who likes to play and have fun....is equally as bad as denying that you aren't still a child ( and acting like an adult or trying so hard to be mature in appearance ) .....by pretending or appearing to be an adult ( who's living inside the mind and body of child )  I think part of being a "real" person...is being everything that you are and are not afraid of showing it?  I think that's actually a sign of maturity and ownership of who you are?  If that's not you to be that way fine.... but thinking like an adult will show in your actions...more than appearing like one and having it the other way around?

 

Fighting the "Not So Good" Fight..as in "Reality TV"  ( which is a crazy Oxymoron!!! lol ) https://youtu.be/q6I3h9MDDcU

I did not see a rant, Jenna

I saw a well articulated view of someone coming to know WHO they are. This is only possible through diligent perseverance toward a GOOD life.....taking to task and facing the good, bad and ugly of HOW we ended up where we are as individuals. You have said so many things that resonate with myself.

May I ask a question? If you don't wish to answer I completely respect that. Do you believe that Adhd has any part in the behavior you described from your H or do you think it is a separate issue? I have spent many months just observing and taking in my H's behavior with me and with others. By no means am I expert at spotting the adhd at play but I am becoming more clear about it in many instances and some times I am finding I don't believe that adhd is at the root of it.

I know nasty....I have done nasty. I don't like nasty....especially in me. When kindness, calmness is met with nasty......that is a choice. Adhd or not we ALL know the difference.....at SOME point it has to stop. Being nasty was NEVER a part of me......then......it slid in.....and I saw that "miss nasty" only showed up with my H. ( I am NOT blaming him) I got serious with myself and while it was not easy I "showed her the door". I find myself thinking so many times......wow...I wish I had been better when I was younger but THANK GOD I opened my eyes and took responsibility FOR ME..........and I truly believe that if my H had at some point done the same we would be a great team. Again....it boils down to choices and they are not necessarily going to happen at the same time......and that is sad for the marriage...but not for my life.

You speak well for yourself, Jenna.....I have followed you for quite some time:)

 

Living in an abnormal relation

Jenna, what you wrote came across to me as cutting through the stereotypes truthtelling.

the rhetoric in movies, magazines, and religious culture I was brought up in to believe that the worth of a woman was honesty, hard work and supporting her husband and family. I wrongly interpreted that to mean that it was my place to support their egos, their comfort, their well-being.  In the process, no one gave me encouragement "nor even permission" to have a will of my own. ...   Maybe my female, middle child, Midwest brain took that to mean that I was not worthy of ANYTHING except serve others.  

Midwestern, Christian, middle child upbringing, here, and, I'm guessing, I'm in your age bracket,several years older.  Perhaps someone would have to have lived through the 1940s and especially the 1950s in the Midwest to know that you're say exactly what the culture demanded of girls then.  Exactly.  Lest someone pile on to Christianity, interpreted then, as the source of the treatment of girls, Jenna, what I remember about that culture is that a whole lot more cultural shaping was being trained on kids, especially girls, than religion.  But you said it so right.  Girls growing to women were treated like and told to be serving machines, with no will of their own.  You had to have been there, to know that you're telling it exactly as it was, there and then, for girls.

So for a long while,you and I found those who especially wanted us to serve, as they, not we, defined service, didnt we?  

Jenna, just one thing, only one thing.  The stereotyping of service that was laid on us back then, presumed a relationship that had what that Midwestern, post WWII society presumed was a healthy reciprocity between wife and husband.  It's not my present model of reciprocit, but to take a look at what "he" was expected to be doing.   She did serve, in the stereotype. Her side of the stereotype, I agree, had some deep basic human unhealth in it.  But in the stereotype, she served someone who, said that society, was reciprocating.  Men were supposed then to bring home the bacon.  ALL of it.  Enough for the family's needs and to dress her and want to dress her in her fancy pearls and shirtwaist dresses that she wore while vacuuming and scrubbing the floor.  What a silly idea.  But the stereotype said that that husband paid to dress his wife very well.  He showed up at home.  He wasnt a jerk to her at home.  He had sufficient wisdom and self discipline that he could get through problemsolving and quiet talk with his wife and didnt do things to her or to his kids that scared the kids to death and screwed them up.  And so on.  It's all there in the stereotype.  Men were supposed to do their end, take care of their wives, adorn them, and communicate with them accomplishing  their roles in a reciprocal relation.

But if one of us people from the women's side of that old cultural formation, ends up with  partner who doesnt do his end, even as the old stereotype required of him? what's left?

Jenna, I think in that case, you and I, or someone not dealing with ths cultural training of girls that you describe so accurately, all we have to work with, is fighting the good fight of living as best we can , learning to trust ourselves and ourselves grow.    If we're not being cared for reciprocally, and if our partner doesnt work for our common, shared life, we have to build and depend on our within.  Wishing you so much well in your journey.  

 

      

NON.......As a Hobby or Area of Interest

I'm a big fan of Sociology and learning about different cultures and cultural differences and that many came from traveling and experiencing these things which made me curious and enjoyed learning more about this on my own?  What you were describing is a somewhat different aspect of the same culture I grew up in but from a different part of the country ( West Coast )....that has it's own unique qualities which appear much different than the ones you are describing?  I actually expressed an interest to you early in getting a feel for what life was like in the Mid West ( due to my father and that side of my family ).....since there always seemed to be a gap in there somewhere...between the way he saw things and the way I saw things in comparison to what I knew with those from this area of the country...and what I saw as a kind of a culture "clash" if you will?  The same goes for my mother up to a point...but even with her she expressed to me privately...that she didn't always see things eye to eye the same way my father did and that is what is so telling in what you are saying?

You take a Mid West boy ( of that era )....throw him together with a Southern California girl...and move them all into the North West part of the country...and what you got is a fish out of water ( my Dad ) and a lot of clashing cultural aspects coming together?  My father was as far from "HIP"...as you could get!!! lol  Speaking of "dressing" and cultural differences. lol

A funny side story to this...not to take away from anything you said but speaking more to these stereotypes?  This came to mind when you mentioned the "men"....dressing the "women" in pearls and waistcoat dresses to mop and clean the floor?  Very formal.......if you want to put it that way?  Debutante-ish like? Perhaps?

I can tell you one thing....I had no idea...what a Debutante was until I was well into my 30's and had no concept of what that even was? lol  Honesty.  I had no idea of what they were even talking about even when I looked it up to see which left me still kind of scratching my head??? lol

And in terms of my father...he fit that character very well indeed.  He always dressed impeccably and always looked the part in a suit and tie in formal attire to a "T".  If anything...he "dressed up"...and he never "dressed down"...but that was where this funny story came into play?

When our family would go to the beach or anywhere outdoors in the summer.....my father made a case for the "fashion police" to arrest him in that....at least in this part of the country......what he wore were those long Bermuda shorts, a very nice golf shirt, full length long dress black socks with sandals or dress black shoes no less.....sporting a bit of a beer gut and greased back hair with thick Ray Bans on.  In the 50's and 60's of course.  He WAS......THAT GUY!!!!   And it was soooo embarrassing!!!!  As good as he always looked in every and all occasions....when it came to "dressing down"....he couldn't do it!!! lol  He was at least...in this part of the country......a fish out of water and stood out like a sore thumb.  I remember wanting to walk a few yards behind him when were at the beach in fear someone I knew would see him and that would have made it even worse as a kid who was trying my best to look the part and that one....wasn't it!!!!  lol At least on the West Coast at the time!!! lol

I think you are so right in what you are saying as well.  I got a taste of the attitude...without the context there that always seemed out of place and out of context and there was a clash for sure and I think it is exactly what you are saying?  Even in the same country no less which is not surprising....unless you've never experienced anything different?

It was also really interesting to see the election results up on the screen...and see those Red and Blue sections of the country....stand out so clearly which reflect this "status quo" and how much they appear to be so very different?  If you didn't notice ( or haven't before )...the West Coast is almost always and was this time no disappointment there.....Solid Blue.  Oregon itself....boasts, if you will.....the least Religious affiliated state in the nation with the least attendance or affiliation to "Christianity" or people who attend Church regularly ( or any kind of  "Bible Belt" kind of thinking)...of anywhere you could possible live in the entire 50 states?  And no....we're not all Hethans with no moral compass!! ( that's a joke but I think you get my drift? )   A bit of Trivia...which seems to show itself in the culture and attitudes that go with it....not all bad or good or anything to be proud of or ashamed of.....just different that's all?  Which is also kind of making your point as well?

J

worried

Hi PB,  I hope you have not had any recent events as the above. Your son and my son sound very similar in many ways. My son has ADHD, was diagnosed in 2nd grade and i think i knew in by 4 yrs of age that he just was not like other kids. He also seems like there is more besides ADHD, maybe very high functioning autism, maybe Aspie...its so hard to say it seems so much of these all have similar symptoms, just to varying degrees, there are things that don't match and some that do.  Is your son on an anti-depressant ? When my son was 10 he started doing things that scared the heck out of me, finding notes hidden in his room about wishing he were dead, no actual acts of it that I am aware of though. He also has/had a VERY hard time regulating emotions, he can be fine one minute and something so small would throw him into such an emotional spin, or just any tiny change in a routine of what he expected, like having planned on doing XYZ then things getting in the way and not being able to do XYZ, he just couldn't seem to understand that things happen.  Anyway putting my son on an anti-depressant along with his ADHD meds helped tremendously regulate his moods. He still is somewhat inflexible and moody, but not to the same degree, he doesn't have complete meltdowns or tantrums...thanks goodness as he is now like your son 14 and is now bigger than I am.

My 13 year old son ties himself up whenever he gets the chance

My son has adhd and high functioning austism. he uses whatever he can find to tie himself up. he usually does this naked and ties things tight enough that they sometimes require cutting to remove the ties. Pretty much everything he can use as ties have been removed, but he still finds things to tie himself with. What can I do to get him to stop this behavior? much like the author of this article, I'm afraid he is going to do permanent damage.