On the verge of quitting

   My wife and I haven't been together very long, but the issues associated with her ADHD have affected us in many ways. Lately it has been very bad and her threats to divorce me have increased dramatically. She claims everything is my fault and blames for the marriage failing. I'm far from perfect, but I see so many of our problems stemming from her ADHD. 
   There is so much wrong it's impossible to describe it briefly so I won't go into detail. I will say that she always puts her needs first and refuses to accept that her attempts to meet those needs have been destructive to our marriage. Her need for short term gain overrides any sense that her actions could spell the end of our relationship. 
   The struggle lies with trying to talk to her about it. I have to make an appointment to talk to her because there are so many things that would prevent her from discussing anything rationally. I have to tiptoe around her extreme emotional reactions to even the smallest issue, so to avoid this I bottle it up or meekly ask permission to speak with her at some time of her choosing. This does not feel like communication, it feels like control. I am a servant to her emotions. 
   I relate to some of the other posts I've read and I hope that I can get some insight into what works when dealing with an ADHD spouse. And if it comes down to leaving her, I hope that the others who have taken that path can offer advice.