Hi everyone i would like to just discuss what im currently going through and just wanted to see if I could get help.
Me and my partner been together for 2 yrs and it was the best 2 yrs for me and her. I made sure she was seen, heard and felt safe. I looked after her when ever she was down due to her depression, i made sure she ate and when there wasn’t food I would give her some, i gave her gifts as she used to never get any also handmade, I would always travel down to her (my parents thought it was one sided to begin with), I bought her family gifts n chocolates before, we are both in uni studying 2 different courses but I helped her pass her essay module when no one would help. Now I’m not saying i was the perfect bf as if she made me feel upset I would shutdown or sometimes i may annoy her by teasing her.
She was very clingy and heavily relied on me which i didn’t mind but it felt suffocating but I would never leave her because i always wanted to look after her and make sure she was alright and happy. Before she got into university she had no friends.
Once she got into uni she actually got friends and i was so happy for her but i started to feel unimportant but i didn’t know how to tell her without making it seem like she’s a bad gf so I would shutdown but with my shutdowns they only lasted a few mins because i never liked seeing her hurt so I would reassure her and let her know i love her.
One day it got to a point where i exploded. She kept making uni seem boring to me but she was having fun you know and she slowly started to drift away from me as in stop sending pics of her outfits or texting as much. During her final submission there was a day where i was telling her I didn’t want to talk to her today and she can go hang out w her friends. Her friends saw her said and stepped in so this is where the influence started to come in. Her friends don’t know the 3 yr history we have as i was her friend for a year then bf bf and gf for 2.
The friends got involved and pressured her to leave me and the messages i was getting wasn’t from her but from her friends. As she told me the whole situation effected her mental health, I was concerned for her as i know how bad it gets so I visited her unaccounced which lead me to be pushed away (while going through my own exam period).
I later found myself blocked and i went into no contact for 23 days and got blocked again.
I really want her back but i just don’t know what to do when she wants to listen to her friends.
Comments
Broken Up with by ADHD partner
Really love advice
The Hardest Thing
Shixty. What you just laid out in you're description is a pattern I'm familiar with. It reads exactly the same as a number of relationships I've been thru myself so I know how difficult this can be. You're young, in college, these relationships are MOST times, not meant to be permanent ones but ones you can learn from. I was always envious of seeing the couples who seemed to find their perfect partner for life at an early age. Some do, but most poeple I know including myself, have at least a handful of early relationships that going through all these stages and then finally end.
I would only say this. Don't chase. The fact that her friends are involved is a signal. It means, she's telling her friends "her side" of "her story" and they feel the need to rescue her. To come to her aid because she lacks the strength or courage to face you and tell you, what she's telling them openly and honestly.
This honestly drives me nuts when this happens and it's personally something I don't respect. It truly makes me lose respect for someone who cannot face "the person" who is most effected ( you in this case ) and completely avouds taking responsibility and leaving you in the dark. It shows weakness at the very least.
And because of that weakness, you have to be the stronger one by not chasing and holding your own. If she really wanted to be with you, she'd make it apparent. Enlisting "helpers" because of "her" lacking ( not yours ) is no reflection on you what so ever.
No matter WHAT her side of the story is, or what she's telling her friends, you know what you've done and what you haven't done.
Let them think or do what they please. The stronger person is the one who can let others believe whatever they want, and not feel the need to explain yourself. If you've done the right thing by her, you know it, and that's all that really matters at the end of the day.
I did chase her for a bit
I did chase her for a bit then i went in no contact for 23 days n i reached out just to get blocked
Ability to communicate boundaries
There’s an inability to communicate boundaries I’ve seen in my ADHD ex, that resembles this.
If your ex girlfriend feels uncomfortable with you, or pressured, or whatever, the adult thing for her to do is show or tell you herself. I think what you’re seeing now is someone letting her friends handle that she’s too weak or disorganized to make boundaries.
Of course it’s hurtful for you to hear in retrospect you were bad for her, when you tried your best to love her.
I’d suggest you find someone who can shape their life to their needs and meet you with clear expectations and clear boundaries. The mushy edges of a person who can’t define themselves are easily and painfully overstepped.
Please don’t get further involved with your ex. Clearly, she doesn’t want contact with you, and you will be the villain if you pursue her.
Imma Move forward but not on
Since i know her, I feel like right now the best thing i have to do is wait and im willing to but im also going to focus on myself