Husband and I have been going back to therapy past few weeks, but all appears to be getting worse. He feels as if I only look for ways to be critical and tells me I enjoy pointing out his failings (lack of follow through). I feel as if he continues to apologize for his behavior, but rarely makes the changes necessary to change the behavior. Yesterday was a terrible day. He told me he was hoping things would change 6 months ago (with NO WORD to me), but is now finding out they are not changing and he is considering divorce. Guess he thought all would magically get better with no conversation with me, or no attempt to re-enter therapy to produce a solution.
I own I have not brought my best self to make the changes I need to make too. I am struggling with still working (am 67), and caring for my 96 year old mother in assisted living. Husband has long standing physical issues that are now causing his mobility to be fragile, so I am taking on more and more at home (cleaning, chores) to ensure he is safe and does not fall and have an injury (he is unable to walk without a walker now, but still insists it is not an issue for him). Husband and I were planning to build a new house, but when I discovered in February he was still taking retirement funds to support his business (without telling me), I told him I could no longer participate in that project (he has not mentioned it since, but believes it will still go through).
Therapist tells us to “talk to each other.” The other day, I told him I “was going to make something to eat” late in day, and he took it as an offensive comment meaning I was leaving him out of eating and was angry at him! He is having issues with work in that he is fighting opposition who lies, and I feel as if this is bleeding into his personal life (but of course he does not see this).
I love him but am at a crossroads. He can be the most compassionate and generous person I have ever known, but he is frequently blind to my feelings, and does not consider me or my schedule when making his schedule. I always must revise my schedule to meet whatever arrives due to HIS schedule (but he does not understand why that happens).
We have not even broached the financial irresponsibility during therapy as therapist is trying to get us to communicate better. I feel as if he cannot be trusted despite what he says. Am I foolish to think this can improve, or am I just stalling the inevitable end to a 40+ year relationship?
