I've spent some comaiderable time, thought and self reflection, in determining my strengths and weaknesses, especially in the area of communication. I've recently re-educated myself with a different vocabulary to convey my own findings ( of myself ). This has taken a lot of research to find the accurate words to use. It's been a tough assignment but I think I've narrowed it down.
My core values include:
authenticity
coherence
experiential truth
embodied honesty
precision
clarity
depth
structural understanding
directness
truth fidelity
And
epistemic integrity.
Epistemic integrity is the one I probably hold most dear of all. For me, I don't just experience these as preferences. They become more than just a stylistic preference but morally and psychologically important. That's why vagueness, *excessive smoothing, amibuiguity maintenance, emotional fogging, or diluted language can feel, not just annoying but almost unreal, false or integrity reducing.
What I do not value is: Debate, or a winning is everything attitude. I do not value adversarial relationships or entertaining any notion that defies the "...it's how you play the game."
Using that "sportsmanship" reference. I value sportsmanship in competion most of all, within that same reference. Taking unfair advantage is something I take seriously and frown upon with an almost extreme prejudice.
I'm very sensitive to; distortion, false framing, emotional incongrence, and misrepresenting reality in my language. These aren't just a communication style as they are a value structure or framework.
My biggest challenge is preserving these values without collapsing the structure and abandoning these values. I believe these are some of my finer features that are worth preserving.
What' become apparent to me are my missing skills in transmission calibration and refinement. Paradoxically, without attenuation, the signal becomes distorted, creates feedback ( loop ), clipping, loss of signal and degradation in fidelity, the very things I value.
As a self critique, this appears to be more of a signal engineering and mechanics problem which definitely requires a more "nuts and bolts" approach on my end.
What I do recognize is my style. My style reflects more of who I am than a deficit of transmissions skills. This relates directly to my "artist style" as well. As I observed in myself...in my strength area in drawing and artists expression, my lack of motor refinement cause a systematic approach of drawing an unround circle...erasing, redrawing, erasing, drawing over and finally coming up with a personal style of my own. It unique, it has character and the flaws are not necessarily being hidden. All those extra lines that don't get erased and form and impression that actually has a quality of it's own. It's less than perfect..and it's left there for the viewer to see. It may have a rougher quality or texture but it makes me who I am. That's really not the issue. Erasing everything to become a perfect circle has a sterile quality without any personality. Identity becomes lost which is the other extreme. I recognize the imbalance and where I need some work. I also realize it's a skill like anything else. It's not just a snap your fingers and become something else...or something that your not.
This is most definitely a refinement issue...and finding the "sweet spot" thing. I'm very good at finding the sweet spot in other things and learning how to do it. That's why attenuation is the answer ...not abandoning all my values in favor of just one thing.
The other thing I noticed about myself that's different than many accounts of ADHD husband's and partners. As I rule...I tend to finish what I started until the job is done. I don't make promises on time, only that I don't tend to quit.
My strengths also included not getting deterred by a growth edge. I'm also still not very skilled at support, for a few more obvious reasons. I'm more of a "rise to the occasion" kind of guy when called on. This applies to my self too. You can knock me down, but I'll always get back up. I finish what I start...it's also what I do.
I think this is fair accessment and critique of myself. It includes my best features and where I can use some more work.
As far as my communication is concerned, it's a process that never ends. Once you think you've arrived ...is when stop learning. There's always another wall to go thru, the process never ends.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
