I just need to admit this and deal with it. I saw signs of him "resigning himself" nearly 20 years ago and failed or refused to see those signs as red flags. In these past two decades, it has slowly, progressively gotten worse. Whenever I brought up ADD, he'd fly off the handle.
My husband (it was a huge surprise with no warning or discussion) retired (very) early immediately after I got a big promotion at work. I probably should have divorced him then. I'm not sure why I didn't. The message was so clear. It was also around that time that he began withdrawing from the outside world (worse than before). Through the years, he has become less . . . capable, needier, having problems with the simplest of tasks. Yes, it's the ADD with age added, a health issue added, and his decision not to address any of these issues or work to push through. He has surrendered. How anyone throws their arms in the air like this is beyond me. But I believe now that the "surrendering" part of his personality was always there. . . it was just lurking in the background.
We've been married a long time. I am not in a time in my life when I can just pick up and leave. That would throw me back financially to an unthinkable position. I didn't put all of this into this life and marriage to end up screwed and struggling just as I approach retirement age.
Yes, I have a life outside of our home. I'm active in the community. I work. My husband doesn't join me in any activities any longer--he won't even go to the community farmers market with me. We have a gym membership. He hasn't been in months and says he doesn't intend to go (but continues to pay the membership). He has no idea about the projects I am working on even at home. I hardly share anything with him any longer because of lack of interest or that he doesn't listen and will forget what I've said 10 minutes after I've said it. It's almost as if he's subtly pushing me toward an affair (I will not do that).
He spends his days not only sitting in front of the TV but constantly--and I mean constantly--on Instagram. He will have the TV volume up along with the volume on his phone (this is a new one). It is an addiction and an obsession. He's gaining weight. He has a sugar addiction. His diet focuses on pizza and fried foods . . . and he has a heart condition. He refuses healthy foods. Yes, we eat separate meals for the most part.
My next big push is another doctor's visit. This time with me present. It will be my last effort. It will be hell to get him there. In the meantime, I'm trying to straighten out our wills (which he is being difficult about) because I don't know what else to do except to get ready for him disappearing altogether, which he seems to be actively working on. How was any of this ever acceptable to me? What was I thinking? And how do I even go forward with all of this?
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