My wife whom I married about 5 months ago has ADHD.
Holy smokes, this is some of the hardest sh*t I've had to deal with in my 59 year life (and that's saying A LOT)
She gets easily overwhelmed by responsibilities and tasks. Her standard coping mechanism is to "rest" which involves staying in bed (not always sleeping though) for hours or even days. She will even her meals in bed. When she is resting like this, everything fades into the distance--chores, shopping, being an available spouse, etc. No amount of coaxing, convincing, asking, begging, demanding, or hollering makes a difference.
She is on medication but doesn't take it everyday because (again) she needs a "rest."
She will say the right things: "I will just rest for an hour then be available to you." The hour turns into two hours, then three hours, then all day. If I say something, she can't understand my anger because she thinks she is communicating with me, but fails to see how her communication is always shifting and is rarely followed up with action. I think this is what it feels like to have your head explode and needles stuck into your torso simultaneously.
I know her brain works differently than mine. I am extremely focused and do things when they need to be done. As a matter of fact, AT THIS MOMENT I'm scanning the horizon looking at the next 5 things that have to be done tomorrow. She can't comprehend what it's like to be me. I comprehend what it's like to be her.
I am becoming someone I don't recognize...someone I don't like. I am resentful, short-tempered, and controlling--all qualities I am ashamed of in myself. I am attending Alanon meetings because her behavior is similar to that of an addict. Certainly my behavior qualifies me for a 12 step program (and possibly the mental hospital). If I could work, eat, and sleep at Alanon meetings...I would. It's the only place I feel sane.
Incidentally, we are both in therapy and I do think it is helping some. But the fire is growing so quickly I fear the firetruck can't keep up.
I welcome any comments, stories, advice, or general ramblings that will help me feel less crazy.
