So those who have been following my story, we got the official report for my 12 yo son - he's not autistic OR adhd.
I was actually shocked big time. I wasn't sure on the autism but with my spouse's unmanaged adhd after being diagnosed 3 years ago, I felt certain my son was going to be diagnosed.
And im feeling a bit conflicted. A part of me was expecting the diagnosis so much and I'm wondering if I was planning to use it as a way to get my spouse to stop using his adhd as n excuse and start to understand that we needed to.work together to help our son.... but now I'm not sure what to do. My spouse can be incredibly dismissive and I often have to "throw the toys out of thr pram" to get him to take me seriously or take notice. For example, if something really matters to me, i have to prepare myself for such a battle of epic porportions bc he doesnt take me at face value. So he wont pay attention until i cry, scream, rage or something else. By then im at my wits end and exhasted. I havent done this in a while bc I've learned that my concerns or feelings aren't really a priority for him. But if it involves our son, he will take notice or actually behave in a way that shows he cares.
But the psychologist giving the report said we are doing a great job with him. And I know that this is a lot due to my mammoth effort. He has made some, so there is credit there. But im having mixed feelings about it all.
Anyone else have just thr 1 adult in thr household that I'd diagnosed??
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same
Though they have some traits, neither of my kids meet the threshold for ADHD.
I do totally recognise the dynamic of having to ‘go nuclear’ for the ADHD spouse to take anything on board. The general impression was that he could not give a monkey’s about anything that was not immediately to do with his needs being met.
I recently read Dr Sami Tamini’s book Searching for Normal. I’d highly recommend it, if you’re able to get hold of it where you live (he’s a UK psychologist and author) It would, I think, really help with absorbing this unexpected news; the news might even come as a relief when you have read the book.