Hi I really need help. My non diagnosed ADHD partner blames me for all the problems in our relationship. I try to explain to him that I get to a burnout stage with him where I can’t handle all the ADHD traits, so I go quiet and try to get myself back to a good place to start again. Unfortunately he doesn’t understand this he thinks am being off with him and putting a wall up.
When he keeps asking I will say to him what wrong. Example- I said only 2 weeks ago, I feel like am doing everything round the house the admin etc. I didn’t get a sorry what can I do to help but all he done was looked at me being quiet and huffy. This was him hitting my button and my tone of voice changed as I got so frustrated and mad. All I ever get is you don’t listen to me, you don’t understand.
I could be stood crying in front of him and he will do nothing. That kills me inside because when he’s not having an ADHD issue he’s really good. We will argue and I try to explain things to him round and round and round. It’s like talking to a brick wall. We will try and come to some common ground and move on. He will then say a few days later sorry. I now find myself 2 weeks after the last argument in the vicious cycle again. All because I said something to his comment about wanting to go skiing and I simple said can we afford it, which I know we can’t as we have extra bills to pay. I didn’t say no but that’s what he heard. Then it’s am the one who is no good at a relationship, I don’t support him I don’t do anything for him. It hurts every time and every time I pull further away.
I love him so much but this is so mentally draining. We haven’t even spoken for 2 days now, I can’t sleep or eat. Any advice would be good.
Forum:
Comments
When he’s not having an adhd issue
When he’s not having an adhd issue he’s really good? You know you could find a man who is really good all the time. You are so lucky you are not married to him. You need to ask yourself WHY you love a person who treats you so poorly. What is it in your personality that makes you accept his blame shifting? Being constantly blamed is damaging your self esteem, so that as years go by, it will be harder for you to leave. Chances are you will never be able to rely on him to understand you and respect your needs and feelings, and if you have kids with this guy, most folks on this forum say that the added stress of kids just makes the symptoms worse. I spent almost 12 years with a guy just like this. I’m so glad I never married him or had any kids with him. I got out and rebuilt my life at age 60, even though I have permanent injuries to my legs and back because of his hoarding. If I can do it, so can you. Nobody will save you except you. Sending you a hug.