I'm the non in this (as least I think so) and we are in such a bad place, I can't even begin to figure out where to start to address it. I don't want to be in this type of marriage anymore, I don't want to model what we are modelling to our son...basically, I don't know what to do when I know I've had enough, my body/mind/soul/heart is screaming at me: 'ENOUGH" and yet... I feel stuck and not sure what to do (and acknowleding that this appears to be a prison of my own making).
And when I feel this turmoil inside, it's like it manifests itself in our environment and makes things so...much...worse!
At the moment, I feel like I hate him. Like truly hate him. I don't want to feel like that and I know this is not a good place to be. We have a son and I've just suggested to my spouse (after apologising for raising my voice) that we keep things top level and then when he returns from a trip in a week (we both need a break from each other and he's going to visit a family member) we explore going to a cousellor...and he said he didn't want to do that and committ to a date as he wanted to enjoy his trip. It's like he just expects me to sit around and just wait...and wait...and then he actually confirmed he wants me to just agree with him and I'm not doing it anymore.
I feel like I'm going crazy guys and right now, my blood is boiling at the sight of him and I just don't know how we got here. And I hate it. And I hate myself for feeling like this. I've done soooo much work on myself and I'm wondering if this is a good thing bc it means that the work I'm doing is working because I'm not just laying over anymore and taking it and do all the stuff and just saying 'yes' when i should have said 'no'... and so on and so on.
but after all is said and done.... I've had enough but yet I'm still here?!!?!? I just don't get it. What is even the next step???
