“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind."
- Mahatma Ghandi
My Partner Deserves It
It’s easy to believe that if one is wronged by one’s partner, that ‘justifies’ anger or negative behavior back. How many ADHD partners have told me “if my non-ADHD partner would just be nice to me, everything would be okay no matter how I behave?” And how many non-ADHD partners have told me “I yell at my partner because that’s the only way to get his or her attention?”
Neither or those attitudes creates a strong relationship. Instead, they serve to reinforce the negative opinions your partner might hold and let him or her off the hook for creating change. “Why should I work so hard when my partner doesn’t budge?” is the thought process.
I am NOT EVER suggesting you or your partner should roll over and just live a life that is unfulfilling or even cruel. You shouldn’t hide what you need. Rather, I’m suggesting that there are destructive ways to respond to your partner and constructive. ADHD partners can choose to hear their partner’s distress and respond by better managing difficult symptoms. Non-ADHD partners can resist the temptation to yell to get attention, and instead touch a partner on the arm and provide enough time for the ADHD partner to transition attention from what s/he was doing to the task at hand.
How many times this week could you have made a more constructive response to your partner?
Both ADHD and Non ADHD partners - learn constructive responses in individual and couples telesupport coaching groups - beginning early January. Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session starts January 30, 2018.