The Toxicity of Anger

ADHD & Marriage News - October 13, 2022

Quote of the Week

“It can be like a toxin.  If you are with someone who is prone to getting angry you become tentative around that person, skittish around that person, in case they lose it.”

-Ned Hallowell


“If you spend your life waiting for the next eruption of anger from your mum, or your dad announcing another rule that you’d broken, you end up not knowing what to do: the uncertainty of what’s going to happen next fills you with fear.”

-Elton John, from his autobiography, Me

The Toxicity of Anger

There might be a lot of anger in your relationship, coming from both partners.  Sadly, not only does the anger itself push you apart (who wants to fight all the time?!) but the anticipation of anger distorts how you interact every single day.

Forget your partner’s anger for a moment – you can’t do much about that.  Think about your own.  We all have a responsibility in our relationships to take a hard look at our own anger.  Whether it’s from emotional dysregulation associated with ADHD, from long-held resentment, or from some other source, the anger we display towards our partner hurts us first – holding us hostage and distorting not only our own actions, but lessening the chances of the very sorts of positive interactions you seek.

So, look at your own anger.  Do you need counseling?  To learn meditation?  To use the mood stabilization that comes with exercise?  To change how the two of you interact around household tasks?  A vacation?  Look to yourself and your own emotions to see how to improve your everyday life.


For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. can literally change your life! 


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. 

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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