Are you a rescuer?

ADHD & Marriage News - February 15, 2022

Quote of the Week

“Sometimes we rescue because it’s easier than dealing with the discomfort and awkwardness of facing other people’s unsolved problems.  We haven’t learned to say, “It’s too bad you’re having that problem.  What do you need from me?”  We’ve learned to say, “Here.  Let me do that for you.””

- Melody Beatty

Are you a rescuer?

I’m not sure I need to go into the myriad ways that partners feel it’s necessary or desirable to rescue each other.  In ADHD-impacted relationships this is complicated for the more organized partners by the nagging feeling that if they observe, rather than rescue, something will drop into their lap at an inconvenient time.

But while rescuing feels like help, it is really a form of critique.  “Here, let me jump in…(because I don’t trust you can do this on your own).”  Instead of trying to solve a problem FOR your partner, work to find constructive ways to solve a problem WITH your partner.  That probably means creating completely new ways to interact – ways that take ADHD symptoms into account, including managing them as well as possible and finding ADHD-friendly ways to do things.  Focus on improving things that are really, truly important to you.

And a good addition to your relationship arsenal is Beatty’s comment and question: “It’s too bad you’re having that problem.  What do you need from me?”




ONGOING - Self-Study version of The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar

Valentine's Day webinar - February 16, 2022, 7:30 – 09:00 EST, I share the effect of ADHD on relationships and how to start improving your connection with your partner. Get your questions answered during Q&A!

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. can literally change your life! 


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS MARCH 16, 2022. Registration is now open.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2022 Melissa Orlov