“Co-dependency is also about the other person’s responses becoming more important than your own needs. In your mind, that other person becomes more important than you.”
- A therapist I know
The Important Person
One of the very difficult dynamics in relationships impacted by ADHD are those around emotional dysregulation in both partners. If you fear how your partner will respond, then you start revising how you approach that partner – distorting your ability to express your feelings and needs. After years of this, you may feel as if you have lost yourself in your relationship when, really, what you may be is co-dependent. You’ve put someone else’s responses ahead of your own needs.
I’m talking about a chronic condition, not about daily gifts of caring you might give to your partner. Co-dependency is about avoidance of asserting your needs to appease another or avoid conflict, and about supporting behaviors (such as alcoholism, addictions or physical abuse). Giving the gift of love is about getting your needs met AND being able to do special (healthy) things for your partner because you care.
If you wish to explore co-dependency more, try Melody Beatty’s The New Co-Dependency or try reading a good book on creating better boundaries, such as Boundary Boss by Teri Cole (one of my favorite books for couples impacted by ADHD.)
NEWS and EVENTS:
Speaking of giving the gift of love, consider enrolling in my Live Seminar! Now, 9 sessions!
➤ REGISTER NOW for the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' LIVE 8 9 session Seminar - Begins January 11, 2023. This is MY premier seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
9 regular sessions of a live lecture and Q&A
Access to recordings of the live lectures and Q&A
2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
Optional homework and readings*
3 surveys to collect ALL questions not asked in the live Q&As
3 sets of insightful written answers to your questions
Wishing you a healthy, happy Holiday Season!
Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My highly acclaimed 8-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.