Ch..ch…ch…ch…Changes…

ADHD & Marriage News - July 16, 2025

Quote of the Week

“We overestimate our own changes, and under-estimate our partner’s."

- Dr. Christine Hargrove

I laughed at the simplicity of this statement when I heard it but, of course, it’s so true!

If you are feeling that the changes you have been making have been unappreciated, try these two things:

Set up a time to tell each other what you are proud of (“I’m proud that I spent an hour doing taxes today,” or “I’m proud of doing the research to find a tracking app I like today…next step is to put it in place.” Or, “I’m proud that I didn’t remind you today about the laundry”). By calling out what you like about what you are doing you create an opportunity to be seen and appreciated.
Measure your improvements or changes in terms of actions completed vs. intent. How do you measure – specifically – your progress? Having a sense of ‘doing better’ isn’t specific enough to convince others.

View it as a positive if/when your partner tells you what they are proud of. Don’t take the opportunity to throw water on their fire (ex: “yes, you did the taxes but you said you were going to do them last week…so you’re late.”) If, over time, you find that there is a pattern with which you are disappointed, you can have a larger conversation about that pattern. (“I know you feel you are doing a lot better on not parenting me, but I would like to talk about this further…”)

At the same time, be aware of the truth in Dr. Hargrove’s statement. We may over-estimate our own changes because we understand the effort that went into them and the emotional changes we feel inside about that specific project or change. But…humility is useful here. Change is measured on the specifics, not on emotions alone.

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from trusted professionals. We've got an amazing set of July workshops:

Explore Intent to Action (i2a) Upcoming Events

Join i2a anytime for live expert support and a wonderful community!

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Summer doesn't mean slowing down in i2a -- we know your relationship dynamics are a part of your everyday life, so we continue to offer expert support and peers for community to keep you gently accountable to each other.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Begins Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Registration for Fall 2025 groups will open Tuesday, July 22nd at 12pm Eastern Time). Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Fall 2025 information is now available. Registration will open on Tuesday, July 22nd at 12pm Eastern Time). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."