Doing the Right Thing

ADHD & Marriage News - July 30, 2025

Quote of the Week

“(My husband) has a simple moral code. He tells the truth and does the right thing.”

- My Aunt

Relationship expert John Gottman's research suggests a simple equation – ‘transparency’ plus what he calls ‘positive moral certainty’.

Transparency is about being honest (transparent) as well as following through on what you promise.

Positive moral certainty is knowing that your partner is ethical and will treat you with respect and kindness.

In my couples’ seminar I talk about rebuilding trust in your relationship, as well as the way that this trust equation must be modified to accommodate ADHD. Because it is impossible that a person with ADHD who sometimes doesn’t follow through on promises due to the presence of ADHD symptoms is inherently and always untrustworthy! Yet, the inconsistency that ADHD symptoms adds must be accommodated in some way that is reassuring to both parties for trust to remain intact (or be rebuilt).

The ‘secret sauce’ is to add the ideas of owning ADHD symptoms and symptomatic behaviors, and being transparent about issues as they come up. That might mean:

putting a backup system in place to call a partner if you’re running late.
Owning that you didn’t complete a project and taking responsibility for creating (and executing) a plan to get it done now.
Taking responsibility to learn the skills…or admitting that the project must be done a different way – perhaps hiring it out, or exchanging tasks with a partner.

Doing the ‘right thing,’ as my Aunt would say, means taking responsibility…even if one is not always consistent…and making sure you are always honest as you do so.

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Summer doesn't mean slowing down -- Checkout out our i2a program calendar.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Ongoing) - This fall: explore how money, meaning, and emotion intertwine in ADHD-impacted relationships with Christine Hargrove, dive deeper into mindfulness for both partners, and join Ari Tuckman himself for a live book club on his book The ADHD Productivity Manual! As always, you'll also have access to expert office hours, and a truly supportive community that shows up for each other. Watch our on-demand information webinar here.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. *Add your name to be notified about future live seminars.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar
*NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning!

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW . Starts Sept 9 - Nine groups to choose from. Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make. *Add your name to be notified about future ADHD coaching groups.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."