|ADHD & Marriage - Weekly Marriage Tip - March 21, 2012|
Heart to Heart
Tips for Thriving in your Marriage
|Quote of the Week||Quick Links|
(Man standing in jungle with family, looking lost) “O.K., I admit it, we’re lost, but the important thing is to remain focused on whose fault it is”.
-New Yorker cartoon
Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure out who is to blame for the problems in your relationship? As in the couple in the cartoon – blame obscures the issue. It doesn’t matter who is to blame…what matters is that you are lost (above) and that you find your way out.
If you spend a lot of time blaming each other, it’s probably because there is an underlying issue that hasn’t been resolved – for example, that one partner feels the other is unreliable, or that either partner feels they aren’t respected enough. Next time you come to a situation where you are trying to prove who is to blame, use a verbal cue that means something like this – “we’re spending time blaming each other when we should be solving the problem. We can come back to discussing the underlying problems later when we’re not needing to solve the immediate problem. Right now, let’s focus on what needs to get done.” You might agree that a good cue for that might be something like "Let's solve the current problem, then we can circle back."
MY NEXT SESSION OF THE ADHD EFFECT COUPLES COURSE STARTS ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2012. FOR MORE INFORMATION, GO TO THIS LINK.
|For those in marriages impacted by ADHD|
|If you or your spouse has ADHD, please join our forum at www.adhdmarriage.com to ask your questions and learn from others who share your issues. In addition, you'll find in-depth essays to help you learn how to thrive in a marriage affected by ADHD.|
Hope to hear from you there!
© 2011 Melissa Orlov
© copyright Ned Hallowell, M.D. and Melissa Orlov, 2007-2011