The Loneliness of Distrust

ADHD & Marriage News - August 27, 2025

Quote of the Week

“No loneliness is lonelier than distrust.”

- Steven Stosny

Trust can break down due to the presence of ADHD symptoms and the issues they encourage in both partners. As an example, it’s characteristic that a person with ADHD struggles to follow through on promises made. The instability this creates eventually erodes feelings of trust in the other partner. ‘Covering up’ failures or responding defensively to reminders add to distrust.

Distrust directly increases anxiety (will my partner follow through this time or not?) and resentment (I can’t believe I have to compensate for their tardiness again!) in the other partner, as well as in the ADHD partner (I don’t know if I will complete this on time, and I resent the feelings of failure that this creates in me).

Distrust is truly a lonely place to be. Because of building anxiety and resentment, it becomes harder and harder to talk about the issues being faced. Partners learn to ‘self-edit’ – no longer able to truly be themselves.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some suggestions:

ADHD partners struggling to meet their commitments would be well served to work with an ADHD coach to figure out what Executive Function or other strategies might help, and which items might be reassigned because they are outside of their skillset. ADHD is a reason things might not be going as planned, but cannot remain an excuse.
Non-ADHD partners should resist self-editing. Rather, find quiet times to group issues together and discuss them conceptually, rather than incident by incident. This approach lessens the likelihood of a defensive response while still getting your concerns out into the open.
Both partners should learn as much as they can about ADHD. Symptomatic behaviors, while difficult, are not personally directed at the other partner. Knowing this can improve empathy and (sometimes) move partners from distrust to compassion lessening friction in the relationship

STARTING SOON:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Starts Sept 24th Only $299:

9 regular sessions of a live lecture and live Q&A - 18 hours of live content by Zoom, answering your specific questions
Access to recordings of the live lectures and live Q&As from this session
2 BONUS pre-recorded video lessons: Medications overview; Better organization with ADHD
Optional homework and readings

➤ Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Starts Sept 10th There's a lot to work through and think about when you are married to a partner with ADHD. Develop strategies for finding satisfaction and happiness. Openings:

Tuesdays at 9PM ET
Wednesdays at 12PM ET
Thursday at 11AM ET

➤ Foundations in Habit Development - Starts Sept 10th New habits take up to 3X longer to develop with ADHD in the mix. Limited to 8 participants, this group is designed to help solidify the changes you have started to make and want to firm up.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) Learn more and sign up here!

August 28th 8-9:30p EST - ADHD & Sex with Dr. Lyne Piché. Problems with attention and concentration can impact your sex life. In this engaging workshop, Dr. Piché will explore how ADHD influences intimacy in your relationship and leave you with tools you can use right away! Plus Q&A.

September is full of expert help in i2a:

9/11: Learning Conversation Practice Office Hours with Rachel
9/7, 9/21 and 9/28: Money Talks Series: Money and ADHD Relationships Workshop Series with Dr. Christine Hargrove
9/16: Book club The ADHD Productivity Manual with Ari Tuckman
9/17: Office Hours with Melissa Orlov.
Plus the Community Forum

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 24th. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from the Fall '24 live seminar *NEW Add-on: 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning!

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - ➤ REGISTER NOW Only three groups have availability. Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - ➤ REGISTER NOW Starts Sept 10th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."