Narcissism?

ADHD & Marriage News - July 2, 2025

Quote of the Week

“We all know grandiose narcissists—people who revere themselves as the center of the universe. Vulnerable narcissists are the more common figures in our day—people who are also addicted to thinking about themselves, but who often feel anxious, insecure, avoidant. Intensely sensitive to rejection, they scan for hints of disrespect. Their self-esteem is wildly in flux. Their uncertainty about their inner worth triggers cycles of distrust, shame, and hostility."

- David Brooks

Being sensitive to resentment or having RSD does NOT mean that you or your partner is a narcissist. So please don’t ‘diagnose’ or label yourself or your partner based upon Brooks’ words.

But his quote did get me thinking about the line between dealing with ADHD issues and narcissism. One core part of ADHD, for example, is ‘big emotions,’ including shame, fear and very fast responses to perceived critiques. And many adults with ADHD retreat from those around them either because they are overwhelmed, or because they feel that they will ‘never be good enough, so why keep trying?’

Where I think these elements vary from outright narcissism is in terms of engagement and intent. The narcissist is almost exclusively ‘me’ focused with a drive to be recognized, while an ADHD partner without narcissism wants to engage with another; longs to love and be loved for the sake of the partnership (rather than self-aggrandizement) but may struggle to do so when shame or symptoms get in the way.

Are you wondering if your partner might be a narcissist? And if so, might this help you think through the question?

HIGHLIGHT:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from trusted professionals. We've got an amazing set of July workshops:

7/9 8:30p EST Tools to help you Focus on Progress and Let Go of Perfection
7/15 7:30p EST Lessening defensiveness for ADHD partners: IFS parts work
7/16 7:30p EST What ADHD Coaches wish Non ADHD Partners Knew Recap of Part 1
7/30 8p EST Relationship Essentials: Open a Can of B.E.A.N.S – skills for everyone

Join us anytime for live expert support and a wonderful community!

Seminars, Groups:

NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Summer doesn't mean slowing down in i2a -- we know your relationship dynamics are a part of your everyday life, so we continue to offer expert support and peers for community to keep you gently accountable to each other.

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - (Begins Fall 2025). Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!

Foundations in Habit Development - (Full) - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters;
Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD";
A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists;
Chore Score Worksheet;
Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD
The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."