Held Hostage

ADHD & Marriage News - January 23, 2020

Quote of the Week

“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.”

-Chinese Proverb

Held Hostage

Are you suffering because you are held hostage by your past?  If you’re not sure, here are some examples:

  • You feel you can’t work on issues you’ve had with your partner because your partner will let you down again – he always has in the past.
  • Things are going better, and your ADHD partner has been significantly more organized for the last 6 months.  But then she makes a big mistake.  Rather than view the mistake through the positive lens of the recent improvements, you are triggered back to the ‘bad old days’ of constant under-performance and stop noticing the positive.
  • You are the ADHD partner in the above example.  When you make a mistake you think to yourself I knew it – I’m never going to be able to do this!

With treatment and effort people with ADHD really can learn to manage their ADHD.  And with the right sorts of toolsets, couples impacted by ADHD really can do much, much better.  But it is MUCH easier if you are willing to forgive your past together and move ahead thinking about today and tomorrow and not letting your past drag you down.

The most effective way to do this is to change your mindset from We’re never going to get this to We did the best we could do with the tools we had…but now we have better tools and are learning how to do better.

With good ADHD treatment and ADHD-friendly strategies for both of you, you really can leave your past behind!


I am one of the experts at the ADHD and Middle School Summit. Learn more about this free resource.

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.


Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts February 18, 2020.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD - go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

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© 2020 Melissa Orlov